How to Read Job Ads

How to Read Job Ads for Beginners and Newcomers:

Here is the translation what you can REALLY expect whenever you
see one of these in a Classifieds Careers/Jobs section:

"exceptional positive attitude" -> translation: *Boss is an
asshole and a dictator who blows off his top thirteen times a
day!*

"willing to work long hours" -> translation: *Forget about
your family, or any personal life at all!*

"stamina to work long hours" -> translation: *In other words
you are expected to be a cross between a jackass, a camel and an
ox!*

"you are a self-starter" -> translation: *We have no idea what
we are doing, but we sincerely hope, you will!*

"can work independently" -> translation: *Don't expect any
support from us!*

"provide assurance and consulting services to our clients" ->
translation: *You are an extremely skillful liar!*

"exceptional organizational skills" -> translation: *We hope we
finally get someone who can clean up that big mess we have here!*

"winning positive attitude" -> translation: *Never get bogged
down no matter how stupid the management decisions are!*

"ability to work in fast-paced environment" -> translation:
*Break? What break…?*

"you feel like an essential member of a corporate family" ->
translation: *You are not going to tell our secrets to the tax
office, right?*

"you are responsible and dependable" -> translation: *We expect
you to keep your mouth shut no matter what you see, what we
do/don't do!*

"willing to work hard" -> translation: *Slavery, the legal way.*

"extremely busy environment" -> translation: *We are
understaffed!*

"friendly customer service" -> translation: *You are mentally
challenged and smiling to it!*

"outstanding customer support service" -> translation: *You
have an experience as a lion tamer or at least as a high school
teacher!*

"ability to work in a challenging environment" -> translation:
*You can always B.S. your way out!*

"positive outlook" -> translation: *What? You expect us to
actually pay you for your work…?!*

Copyright © Dagmar Rakos

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