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Why A “Good” Divorce Matters

The collaborative practice team approach which includes an attorney for you and your spouse, a divorce coach for each of you, a financial expert and a child specialist (all at cost that doesn’t break the bank) can provide and peaceful, dignified process in which you and your spouse get the information and tools you need to make the best decisions possible during your divorce.

Believe it or not, your divorce can provide the opportunity to heal a relationship that has been painful – maybe even destructive.

 

Sound impossible?

 

It’s not. In fact, HOW you choose to move through the journey of your divorce can impact the shape and form of your relationships and your family life for many years to come.

 

In my 20 plus years of helping couples divorce (I now practice in Walnut Creek, CA) I have had confirmed time and again that if you choose a non-adversarial, collaborative process to divorce: 1) Antagonism and defensiveness can be mitigated; 2) Conflict can morph into cooperation; 3) And even as you go your separate ways and unravel the complex tapestry of your marriage, you have the ability to consciously let go of hurt, anger and resentment – all factors that contribute to the healing of your relationship.

 

A “good” divorce can teach you and your spouse the tools you’ll need to interact in productive and constructive way with your ex-spouse and the tools you’ll need to co-parent your children effectively for many years to come.

 

In a “good divorce” that engages a team of well-trained attorneys, mental health experts, and a financial expert you’ll receive the support and tools you need to treat yourself with dignity and respect. When you are able to receive that respect and appreciation, you’ll be better equipped to treat your spouse with respect and appreciation.  It’s a cycle of respect and appreciation that snowballs – and helps you and your spouse collaborate in ways that might not have been possible during your marriage.

 

When you think of the actual divorce process as an opportunity for healing and growth, the walls come down, issues are no longer become something to fight over. Instead they are things to resolve.


A “good” divorce in which you and your spouse decide that one of you does not have to “win” at the expense of the other, you can actually end the cycle of conflict. The divorce coaches who are also part of a collaborative practice team can help you and your spouse look at your relationship and find the cycle of conflict, the cycle of resisting, attacking and withdrawing from each other. They can help you notice the pain and frustration that comes from this cycle. They can help you notice that each of you have something to do with what happens and help you find your role in the conflict.

 

They can help you heal your relationship and have it be supportive, even as you are deciding to part ways. A child specialist can help you and your spouse learn practical tools for managing the “divorce” experience of your children.  They can also help you to plan and develop thoughtful, constructive, practical, and relevant tools for co-parenting.

 

In fact, the amount or degree of conflict in your marriage – and in your divorce – is often the biggest predictor of how successful you and your spouse will be at co-parenting after you have parted.  Divorces with less conflict invite post-divorce scenarios in which parents communicate with each other, share information, discuss the needs of their children in a more constructive way, and attend child-centered activities together.  High conflict divorces tend to lead to what is called “parallel parenting,” which means that parents have minimal contact, don’t communicate well, cultivate an exclusive parent-child relationship, and can’t attend child-centered activities together.  The preferred choice for your children is obvious.

 

Choosing to use your divorce as a jumping off point for healing is never easy.  You and your spouse have to willing to learn new tools, grow in new ways, and, ultimately, to accept responsibility for the part you have played in the conflict.

 

In the end, it’s about understanding that you do not have to treat your spouse based on how you “get treated” by your spouse. You can each move to higher ground…and the collaborative practice model for divorce can give you the necessary tools to do so.

 

If you live in Walnut Creek, Contra Costa or Alameda counties, San Ramon, or anywhere in the Tri-Valley area, consider the benefit of a collaborative model divorce with my colleagues.  We truly believe that our model will help to heal your relationship.  Please come see the  mediation attorney walnut creek; I am sure that I am the Walnut Creek divorce attorney for you.  When you have satisfied yourself of the sameArticle Submission, call me at 925-932-7026.  Choose the process that helps you get a “good” divorce. 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR


If you live in Walnut Creek, Contra Costa or Alameda counties, San Ramon, or anywhere in the Tri-Valley area, consider the benefit of a collaborative model divorce with my colleagues.  We truly believe that our model will help to heal your relationship.  Please come see the  mediation attorney walnut creek; I am sure that I am the Walnut Creek divorce attorney for you.  When you have satisfied yourself of the same, call me at 925-932-7026.  Choose the process that helps you get a “good” divorce. 



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