Your success in marriage depends largely upon having sound and constructive attitudes toward love. For Americans, this can be difficult. Especially because of the fictions we’ve been taught since childhood, which are supported by movies and other cultural influences. In fact, the love upon which so many base their marriages is one or a combination of the following:
The appeal of the romance and adventure of marriage itself
The response to a person who reminds them of some one whom they have loved
The desire to escape from an unhappy situation
Consolation for failure or disappointment
Social pressures and/or the fear of being "left on the shelf"
Sexual desires
Some minor point of attraction
These forms of love are not false – they are very real. Often, they are intense enough to give a person an overwhelming feeling of certainty about marriage. And some of them – such as numbers 1, 6 and 7 – have a proper place in marriage.
Their danger is that they are superficial. No single one of them, or all of them together, is strong enough to constitute the foundations of a successful marriage. Yet these deceive people who believe that "love is enough" into choosing unsuitable mates.
Love which can make a marriage rich and worthwhile must go far deeper. It must be based upon such things as common interests, ideals, values, and goals which involve worthy purposes. A common desire to have and raise happy and healthy children is among the strongest and most important of these common goals. Such a love is not something which you "fall in" before you marry.
Rather, it is something which you build together through the years. Those who have found a sounder base for love wil find that the thrill, glow, and romance of their marriage increases over time. The richest joy of marriage comes from a relationship with each other which constantly develops and matures. The deepest and most abiding love is that which has become an expression of all life's experiences and meanings for you both.
Chuck Smith is the owner and webmaster of Wedding Home Pages, where you can download a professionally-designed wedding template for your special day. Visit Wedding Home Pages for the wedding web site of your dreams.
