Nicholas LaPolla

Has Marriage Killed Her Libido? How to Get Her Passion Back

How to get your wife's libido back after you've fallen into the routine and stresses of married life.

You hear it all the time: men complaining that their wives have lost their sex drive since they got married.  Sometimes its issues from childhood that need to be addressed using outside help from a therapist but many times it is something more simple.  Her libido can diminish simply because of the daily routine, the "rut" and stresses of life.  The fresh beginning and infatuation of the new marriage is over; and with it, the excitement and extra spunk. Once married for a while, every day is repetitive and marriage becomes a drag. The more you fall into a pattern, the more stress is generated.  As the anxiety of life builds, her sex drive falls. 

The truth is that many husbands basically forget about their drive to romance their wives after the honeymoon is over.  Since you're married, you don't have to work for it, right?  Wrong. When romance is gone and stress is high, her desire for sex can dwindle over time to zero.

Of course, husbands stressed too.  Unlike a his wife, however, a stressed out man would love some sex to reduce the stress.  It almost seems like a mean joke: husbands need sex when they're stressed out and wives don't want sex when they're stressing.  Sounds like a cruel joke, right?

How does a man ignite her passion again?  Short answer: cut her stress levels and pursue her like you did when you were younger.  You can take the reigns and progress from the rut and taking marriage for granted to renewing your relationship with passion and romance.

Below are some ways to get things moving:  

1. Serve your wife.  Take time to work on giving her breaks and time to re-charge.  She needs to de-stress, then she'll have energy for more intimacy - and more passion.
2. Help your wife feel connected to you.  She needs to feel connected to you on a deeper level.  Too busy? Then turn off the TV, break out a nice beverage, turn on some music and sit and chat.  This will do wonders.
3. Build her trust in you.  Never lie, never cheat, be dependable and do what you say you're going to do.  It's not just the kind of trust that comes with dependability - she has to trust you at her core.  How does one create this deeper trust?  It's in how you react to her.  For example: how do you react to her when she addresses a sensitive pet peeve she has with you?  Do you get defensive and sarcastic, or do you listen and talk it over with her.  Anger will foster fear of approaching you - which builds distrust.  She needs to trust you with her inner thoughts and feelings.  Then she will feel a connection to you; which means she will want more of you.
4. Let your wife know she's special.  Romance and chivalry are not dead.  If they are, then your sex life is dead, too - or at least it will be.  Hold hands, be sincere and tell her she's beautiful, leave a "thinking of you" card in her purse - be thoughtful.
5. Rid yourself of expectations.  When you're doing things for her, she's going to smell the "I better get laid for this" idea forming in your mind.  Nix that idea and will trust you even more.
6. Find out more about your wife.  Sounds kind of funny: you already know your wife!  But do you know all her likes and dislikes.  I'm talking particulars.  Do you know how she likes her sandwiches made?  Do you know her favorite type of food?  How does she order her salad?  How does she take her coffee?  Do you know what she likes to talk about?  Knowing these little things can help you in a big way.  For example: if one morning you bring her a cup of her favorite coffee made exactly the way she likes it, she will take note.

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