How to Get Your Ex Back - A Guide from a Relationship Therapist

Are you going through a break up or have your recently been dumped?  This can be a devastating and soul destroying time. If you're wondering if you can get back with your ex and save your relationship, then here's some good news. It's believed that around 90% of relationship break ups can be reversed. If you're sure that want your ex back, here are some powerful steps to follow that have been proven to help people, just like you, to turn their break up around and get their ex back into their arms.

If you've just suffered a break up, and you're now feeling hurt, sad and angry, this article is for you. Most people have experienced a break up at some point in their life.  Often people feel sad and alone for some time, but eventually they get over it and get on with their lives. 

As a psychotherapist who specializes in helping people through their relationship issues, it frustrates me that there are so many breakups and that so man of these are, in my opinion, really "unnecessary".  Obviously, it goes without saying that there are people who really shouldn't be together because they bring out the worst in each other, or because their relationship is simply toxic!  But in my experience, I've come to believe that around 90% of all relationship failures could be stopped if the people involved were aware of what they needed to do to move past their issues and reconnect.

In fact, I would even say that the break up process can actually be a crucial step in creating a stronger bond and connecting with each other. But unfortunately, in our current society, we're not provided with the tools that will help us to get our ex back, resolve our issues and create a deeper relationship that will go the distance.

If you've been dumped by your ex and you're asking yourself "is it possible to get my ex back?", or "should I want my ex back?" or "how do I get my ex back?"... Don't give up just yet. If you're really willing to work to create an even better relationship than you had before there are some great strategies and resources that you can use, which will literally take you step-by-step and help you get them back forever.  Later I'll show you an excellent resource that will help you get your ex back, but right now let's look at some great steps to get you started on the process:

1. Make sure you know the real, underlying reasons for your break up...

Many people who have broken up are so focused on getting back together that they don't really consider what was actually going wrong in their relationship.  Take time out to really think about what went wrong and what lead to the break up.  Had one of you shut down and stopped being vulnerable with the other? Was it that one or both of you had unreasonable needs or expectations?   Did it feel like nothing you could do would be okay or would suit them?  Or visa-versa?  Think about what really lead to the break up.  This is an absolutely crucial process which most people don't do.  And it's absolutely crucial, because unless you really know what went wrong you might repeat it when you get back together.

2. Give both yourself and your ex some space...

Think of the break up as a transitional space that you're currently in.  As far as possible, keep yourself focused on the positive stuff around you, even though you're understandably feeling hurt and sad.  Right now your job is to accept that this is where you are.  You could even think of it as a new phase in the same relationship, but with different rules and where you have to take things extremely slowly. 

Give yourself permission to accept your current situation.  Accept your sadness and your hurt feelings, but even though you want your ex back, try not to let your feelings make you look needy or desperate in front of your ex.

3. Don't act strangely if you run into them by accident...

Our natural tendency is often to avoid our ex or act as if we don't care about them when we accidentally see them at the gym or in our workplace. Sometimes we are secretly wanting to punish them for making us feel miserable.  But if you want them back, it's crucial that you don't punish or avoid them at this stage! 

If you run into them, don't just ignore them or avoid them.  Act as warm and friendly as you can, without being over the top, and simply greet them with a smile and a "hi".  Smile at them and show them that you still respect them, even though you might not like, or agree with their decision to end the relationship.  Don't be desperate or needy. If you're sorry for something you've done, or for treating them in a way that you can now see wasn't okay, take time out to make a genuine apology... But be very careful... An apology is something that needs to be handled in the right way and at the right time, or it can do more damage than good.

4. Be good to yourself...

Being kind to yourself and looking after yourself are crucial after a break up. And, as weird as this might sound, looking after yourself is an important part in the process of getting your ex back. You'll find out more about this if you follow the process I'm talking about.  Make sure you don't go into hibernation mode or hide.  Take on some new hobbies or projects and actually plan to get back into life. Now is a time to focus on your health and your diet.  And believe me, from someone who has worked with countless people and helped thousands of couples reunite, these are crucially important steps if you really want your ex back.

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