Robert Gillespie

How to Re-capture Your Romance

If your romantic life with your partner seems to be fading away, it is not too late to re-kindle the spark that was once there. You need to realize that you both are run by some pretty basic biological programming but that your higher selves can rise above that limitation to re-create your lives as you both always wanted them to be.

Whenever I begin writing about the topic of relationships, I am aware of the truth that we, like the animals, are controlled by several quite fundamental biological patterns. The purpose of these patterns is to guarantee the survival of the species, especially in the area of procreation.

Considered from a loftier point of view, our interactions with the opposite sex can be characterized as romantic, fulfilling, intellectual, educational, exciting and fun. We enjoy these higher communications because we are a higher form of life, perhaps the highest form of life on the planet, although I have encountered some whales and dolphins who would dispute that characterization. At the root of it all, however, it is instructive to be aware that we are controlled by our natural instincts.

Since we don’t think of ourselves as animals and because we view our romantic connections and relationships as overriding factors in our lives, it hurts us when we observe romantic passion start to disappear gradually with time as the events of life take on their own importance as seeming competitors to romantic life.

Think back to your first high school crush. In a matter of a few minutes you were altered from a rational young adult to somebody with stars in his or her eyes. All you could think about was your new love and it was hard to eat, hard to sleep and hard to have a regular relationship with friends and family. That was undoubtedly not the last romance of your lifetime and, when this first one broke up, you were touched by another new sensation referred to as a broken heart. It may have seemed that the world had ended and your life was over. Time heals all wounds and so, after a while, you recovered and became “normal” again. You were, in fact, able to think about the idea of a new romance with someone else. This time, you told yourself, you would be more watchful and “do it right” so that you would never have to agonize over the pain of a broken heart again in your life.

For a while, you dated and even might have become a bit promiscuous on occasion as you waited for the right one, the love of your life, to arrive and come running into your arms. During this stage you had a lot of laughs and some hard knocks as well. Eventually, when you least expected it, you encountered the love of your life, fell in love and got married.

At first, it was even more magical that had been foretold by all the poets and romantics of history. Sex was not only frequent but fantastic. It appeared that you could not keep your eyes and hands off of each other. A few years passed. Babies came, jobs changed, responsibilities mounted and bit by bit, your relationship evolved into something different. The fairy tale had disappeared and was replaced by security, companionship and responsibility. Gone were the days of excitedly learning about each other. Sex had become routine and not nearly as satisfying or frequent as it once was. Once in a while, the thought may have passed through your head that you could have married the wrong person. In sum, the bloom was off the rose and, for the life of you, you could not imagine why.

Let’s go back to the issue of core biological programming. As far as Mother Nature was concerned, your romantic life had accomplished what it was designed to do: deliver babies and provide a safe environment for them to blossom into adults who would, in turn, repeat the entire romantic cycle you had just gone through. If the children were safe and provided for, Mother Nature did not seem to care what happened to your romantic relationship. Fifty percent of marriages finish in divorce and so now appeared to fifty percent of the population to be an appropriate time to start that phase.

If all this sounds a bit depressing, it is. On the other hand, there is a bit of good news and all is not lost. If this is an appropriate time for divorce for some, it is also the perfect time to re-kindle that spark that attracted you together in the first place. And this, my friends, is what this piece is really all about. You see, your assignment, as an aware and advanced member of the human species is to take control of your life and create it anew as you would want it to be. Your task is not just to please Mother Nature.

So, how are you going to re-kindle the love spark with somebody that you now know as well as a pair of very old shoes in which you have walked many miles? You now have the richness of history, of family and experiences which you have shared and amassed together over time. Assuming that the foundational relationship is sound, there is simply no reason that you cannot start things up again. It won’t be exactly the same as it was in the beginning though it can be even better, though in a different way.

Be aware that the person who was inside of your new love the day you first met him or her is still there and can be brought to the surface if you know how to do it. Further, that person wants to come to the surface but doesn’t quite know how. Possibly they just require permission, an invitation or some other indication of encouragement. Here's where your wisdom steps in and, if you are willing to listen to it, it will guide you to success. All that’s necessary is your willingness and just perhaps a bit of audacious courage.

As you come into this phase, remember something that you were supposed to know when you were first dating: Men and women are wired completely differently. If you are a woman, you must appeal to your man's sense of logic because that’s the way he processes his environment for the most part. If you are a man, you need to realize that your job of re-kindling your romantic life will never happen unless you identify a way to awaken your partner's emotions. This is because, as a woman, that’s the way she is wired. In other words, do not expend time trying to explain to her why it would be a good idea if you re-kindled the spark but, instead, just re-kindle the spark. Don’t just tell her you love her: Show her, by your every action, that you do. If there is anything left at all of that girl you once knew, she will respond.

In your efforts to communicate with each other to acquire a positive result, try not to fall into the trap of thinking you know what your partner is about to think or say, based on your past knowledge of them. If you can always have a fresh perspective with an open mind that lives in the present, you may well just hear or feel what you need to hear or feel. Being able to re-kindle the spark depends on being ready to maintain a fresh perspective in the present. After all, we live in the present moment and not in the past.

Good luck to both of you! Romantic companionship is life’s greatest gift. Never let it get away!

One more thing…

It occurs to me that there is still another level to which we, as humans can ascend to if we are ready and willing to do so. I am coming to think that if we are experiencing problems in our lives and have not been able to come across solutions to them, it is only because we have not yet comprehended our full potential. I am referring to becoming aware of what some would call “your higher self.” Your higher self is your full potential. It has always been with you. The only problem is that you have been partially or completely unaware of it. Living life to your full, unlimited potential is the true way to all problem solving.

Let me finish up by giving you a small example of what I am referring to. When an unfertilized human egg enters the uterus it has the potential to turn out to be either a male or a female. In that moment, in a sense, it has it all. It is neither male nor female: It is all of those things. Once fertilized, that egg goes off on a path to become either a male or a female human being. I said above that men and women are wired differently in terms of logic and emotions. It is also important to realize that women use logic every day and men are emotional every day. It’s just that men respond predominantly in a logical way and women respond in a more emotional fashion. Logic comes from the left side of the brain while emotions come from the right side and yet, the brain is a whole, containing both.

The higher self lives in awareness that it, like the unfertilized egg, contains it all without limitation and that any part of that all can be accessed at any moment to solve any problem. Let’s start living from that place of being it all so that we ca n have it all.

© 2011 Robert M. Gillespie, Jr.

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