Kathi Calahan

How to Recognize Verbal Abuse - The Top 10 Signs of Abuse

It’s mean, it’s cruel and it’s inexcusable.

Verbal abuse, or mental abuse, is passed on like a life-threatening disease throughout the family. We choose mates, places of employment and friends based upon family patterns of familiarity. No one ever intends to become verbally abusive, but it happens more often than we care to admit.

If you are unable to sustain a healthy relationship, you may have been victim to verbal abuse.

If you are a perfectionist, you may have been a victim of verbal abuse.

If you make excuses for your abuser, you’re definitely the victim of verbal abuse.

Domestic abuse is generational. It falls under the categories of spousal abuse, child abuse and elder abuse. If you’ve been verbally abused, you’re likely to abuse others. If you’re emotionally involved with an abuser, chances are excellent he or she was abused.

But that’s no excuse to neglect the obvious and continue this self esteem crushing cycle. The abuse must stop now and you must initiate it. Once you identify the various forms of verbal abuse, you can then put a stop to them.

Here are the top 10 of 33 red flags that can be your wake up call to stop participating in verbal abuse.

Yelling - The conversation hurts your ears, you’re closing windows and doors so the neighbors won’t overhear.

Name Calling - These are ugly, ugly words and degrading to the person hearing them. Stupid, fat, ugly, trailer trash, idiot, all racial slurs, clumsy, pie hole, bean pole, forgetful, crazy, insane, black sheep, dork, freak, bitch, bastard, pig, queer, redneck, bum, lazy, coward, baby, nasty, stingy, etc.

Criticizing - You didn’t.. couldn’t... shouldn’t... should have... could have... never... must... it would be better if... you should be more like...

Shaming - Shame on you. Why would you do that? You are so bad. You should be ashamed of yourself. You were a mistake. You’ve ruined my life.

Swearing - People swear as an outlet for very strong emotions like frustration, injury, anger or fear, but it scares the person on the receiving end.

Threatening - If you don’t...I will. I’m going to ... Brandishing a weapon at you. Stalking. Making intimidating facial expressions at you, walking toward you in a menacing way.

Blaming - It’s your fault. You did it. You caused it. He started it. She caused it. It wasn’t my fault. You made me... Because of you... You gave me no choice. My disease made me do it. She was just a bad wife to begin with.

Refuses to discuss things that upset you - I don’t want to talk about it... right now... ever. Go away. Not again. Oh my God. Stop your whining. Ask someone who cares.

Disrespectful - Says you don’t know what you’re talking about. Won’t introduce you to others. Ignores you at functions. Makes noises or rolls eyes when you are speaking.

Ridicule - Acts of contempt. Wah, wah, wah, you are such a baby. What an idiot. That’s what you get for thinking. That’s just ridiculous.

Verbal abuse permeates the lives of everyone it touches. It’s impossible, without help, to have a healthy family, love life, working relationship with co-workers or ongoing friendship with neighbors if verbal abuse is at the heart of the relationship.

For immediate abuse help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233. This abuse hotline is open 24 hours a day and available in all 50 states of the U.S.A. They receive more than 21,000 calls per month from victims, survivors, friends, family members and law enforcement. Hotline advocates provide support and help with crisis intervention, safety planning, information about domestic violence and referrals to local service providers.

It’s time to stop the family dysfunction and the first step begins with you. Abuse help is available today.

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