Marriage Therapists: Can Open Marriages Really Work?

Open marriages can work with the help of marriage therapists and following these tips: mutual agreement, knowing why, setting rules and following them and respecting each other's decisions.

An open marriage is one in which the married couple consents to sex outside. For people in a completely monogamous relationship, this whole concept seems odd and doomed to failure. But, professional therapists say that open marriages can work and thrive in the right conditions. They key to this, as it is in any marriage, is trust.

While it is certainly not a common arrangement, therapists do see couples who live this kind of lifestyle. When problems arise, it is because the ground-rules have been broken and trust is lost. So, for couples thinking of opening up their sex lives to others, therapists offer these tips for a successful open marriage:

1. Both spouses must be in agreement. Obviously for this to be considered an open marriage instead of adultery, both spouses must agree to the arrangement. Whether he or she participates is a different story, but the agreement must be there. And, one partner should not pressure the other into it.

2. Therapists want you to understand why it is you are seeking physical contact outside. Is it just to spice things up or are you trying to "fix" something that is broken. As a couple, there may be something else going on that needs to be addressed before making this drastic change to the relationship.

3. Set rules and follow them. Both spouses must agree on the rules of the arrangement. Will you allow strangers into your lives or only people you know and trust? Can you pursue a situation without letting the other know ahead of time? Will it be public knowledge or an intimate secret between you and the other partners? There are any number of rules that can be set, the important thing is that you both follow them. Straying from the rules breaks the trust that can be so tenuous in these situations.

4. Respect each other. If at any time, one of you decides the open arrangement isn't working, the other must be prepared to respect this. If a formerly open couple cannot survive in a monogamous situation, there is something else wrong and a visit to therapists is in order.

The landscape of marriage has drastically changed over the years and people are really doing things their own way. Monogamy is a choice, not a mandated fact and some people aren't cut out for it. These alternative lifestyles can work as well as any traditional relationship. Just like traditional relationships, problems arise and marriage therapists can help work on these unique problems. Anything can work as long as there is trust and respect, no matter what the situation.

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