Marriage Therapists: Making A Mixed Relationship Work

Mixed relationships face hurdles, but they can work. Communication, compromise, love and respect are foundations that marriage therapists can work with to help the relationship succeed.

Being in a "mixed" relationship can mean a lot of things these days. There may be differing religious views or a different ethnic or racial cultural background, sometimes it is a little bit of both. When you marry someone from a different background, it isn't just you and your spouse that has to deal with it.

The unfortunate thing is that sometimes couples let outside influences affect the success of their relationship. Help from marriage therapists can help you deal with the differences and keep focus on the important stuff-love and respect for each other.

Sometimes, your relationship can fall prey to the "Romeo and Juliet" syndrome where the families are stubbornly opposed to the match for reasons of class, religion, culture and the meddling of the families' cause injury to the couple. While you should respect the opinions of your families and your own values, there is no reason why you and your significant other can't work things out despite these glaring differences.

As diversified as the country is and increased tolerance for mixed relationships, it is a very common issue that couples deal with when considering marriage therapists. Sometimes it is important to have a third party objectively look at the situation and offer advice on coming to an agreement. Some of the issues that may arise include:

* The ceremony-What religion will be represented at the ceremony? Which cultural background will be highlighted?

* Conversion-If you and your spouse come from different religious backgrounds, will one of you convert to the other religion? This is something that marriage therapists can help work out because, while it is a personal decision, it is also a very heated issue that could use counseling.

* The kids-This is probably the biggest issue among couples as well as the immediate family-how are the kids going to be raised? If the difference is religion, what will they observe? But, if it is race, which culture will they celebrate?

* Geography-Are your cultural or religious backgrounds causing a rift in the type of community you live in or where you work?

These are important questions that marriage therapists are trained to help you answer. When it comes down to it, the most important thing is to focus on the love you have for each other, respect the other's values and opinions and learn to compromise, even on the big issues.

Embrace the diversity and richness that comes from having a mixed family. There is no reason why both can't be celebrated, especially when kids are involved. Experience the differences of each other, learn and pass them on to the children. Being a mixed couple doesn't have to be hard and it is not doomed to fail if you work at it and embrace the differences that make your new family unique.

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