Save Your Marriage So That Till Death Do You Part
Marriage is a sacred covenant and one that couples hope will last forever. Sadly, this is not always the case, but if you are in a struggling marriage and want it to last the test of time, these ten ways might help you save your marriage.
Be sure that you both have time for yourselves. Make sure that both your lives are not entirely interwoven. That is why many marriage counselors advise against working together because then the couple cannot have their own separate life. Make sure that both of you have the chance to develop, cultivate, and explore your own interests and hobbies and passions even if they are entirely different from the other person's.
Now that being said, while you two venture out and have your own lives, make sure that you do make time for each other. After years of marriage, it is often that people can get immersed in their own lives and get caught in the whirl of stress and kids and work and daily life, but it is important to understand and appreciate why people need to spend time together. Take vacations together, spend free time doing things you both enjoy, or schedule weekly date nights so that you both can have a fixed routine set for one another, as well.
It's important to communicate. Relationships often fail miserably because the people cannot convey their side of the argument or issues. You need to employ calmness and rationality into discussions and not explode after every statement. What the other person has to say is not going to be pleasant, but if you do not listen or calm your offended response, they will never get to express themselves and misunderstandings will occur.
However, be sure to criticize with gentleness. The person has feelings and emotions and even while they are angry and expressing their point of view, know that when you offer your own, you do not want to do it in a tactless or abusive manner. Think of how you would like to be spoken to and use that same level of gentleness and tact.
Try to make a list of terms that explain your wants and needs. If you both write down the things you both want but cannot seem to make clear to the other person, it is often important to write it all down in a long list and then sort out the details. Try to see the other person's viewpoint once in a while and by reading their list, improve the overall understanding between the two of you. Create a sort of contract, where you both agree, that at least for the following year, you will both respect the statements on the list and then renew that contract before each yearly anniversary. This contract can contain a list of goals, a list of compromises, and various other things that are verbally expressed and no longer bottled inside.
Try to keep the romance alive. After years and years it is probable that the burning flame that was once so strong will slowly start to fade away with comfort, but that does not mean you should not still try to ignite a flame once again. Have passionate nights in exotic places, surprise them with flowers or jewelry or sports equipment or a new TV. Try to do at least one romantic thing every day.
Another way to save a crumbling marriage is to do the same things you did in the beginning. Small gifts, compliments, and loving statements can reignite the wooing process and make you two remember what made you fall in love in the first place.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
You can have access to articles about marriage in Portuguese language from page http://www.polomercantil.com.br/sociedade.php
Roberto Sedycias works as IT consultant for http://www.polomercantil.com.br/