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You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married

Couples fight about many things, but they are really only having one fight: Who is Right and Who is Wrong.  Couples need to learn communication skills and learn to connect before they try to express themselves.  

There is only one fight, one conflict, one issue, which couples get locked into, and that is: who is right and who is wrong. When you analyze any disagreement, what you find is that the topic is always the same. Couples often argue to prove their point and to prove that they are right on any given topic.   The variables that get a couple going are endless, from not picking up his/her socks to the frequency of sex. However, as the disagreement progresses, the topic invariably shifts to who is the good guy and/or who is the bad guy.

What is interesting about these “Right Fights” is that they are not about needing to be right, but come from the feeling of being wronged, hurt, or unloved. Couples want to right the wrong they feel, and then get mired in their battles over blame.

 The solution is to address the feeling of being hurt or unloved, by connecting as a couple. Our wounds cause us to withdraw, and that is why communication fails. By remaining close, two people are able to discuss their differences, express their pain, and feel more intimate afterwards

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship.   You can learn to handle these conflicts in such a way that nobody has to be made wrong in order to resolve the fight.   We naturally want to fight and prove our point, but we can learn to quit fighting with each other and instead connect and resolve issues with both people on the same side. 

In You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married: Loved-Based Solutions for Couples, Brett R. Williams explains in greater detail why these “Right Fights” occur and what steps we can take to resolve conflict.  He provides practical exercises to assist couples in connectingHealth Fitness Articles, communicating and improving their relationships.  

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Brett R. Williams is the author of You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married: Love-Based Solutions for Couples and the director of, a complete relationship resource center

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