Ahhh romance… that elusive ... that comes and goes. When we have it we think it will last forever, when we don’t we worry that it will never come again. It is an ... that so many crave y
Ahhh romance… that elusive experience that comes and goes. When we have it we think it will last forever, when we don’t we worry that it will never come again. It is an experience that so many crave yet have had so little of in their lives.
True romance feels good. It should not frighten you. If it does not feel good to you then you are confusing romance with all the bad things that happens in dysfunctional relationships.
Do you remember how good it feels when you begin falling in love with someone? The intensity of these good feelings come from our connection with our Source, from many spiritual beings, including our own Inner Being, radiating their enthusiasm and excitement that we have found our heart’s desire. This is why they are so powerful.
Good feelings always result from being in alignment with the whole of our being and what we have been asking for. If you already have romance in your life, whether it is a new relationship or one that you have had for a while, you are in a very good place. Your dominant vibration is one of great happiness, great joy and great passion.
That means you have an incredible connection with your source. You should understand that this is responsible for many of the other wonderful things that are falling into place in your life right now.
If you don’t have romance in your life, but you want it, then you are going to have to bring yourself to that place. You are going to have to romance yourself. You are going to have to treat yourself wonderfully and give yourself love and nurturing and caring and bring yourself into a place of great joy and passion for life.
Who wants to be around a sourpuss? No one. Who wants to be around someone with misery in their life? Very few people want that. If they do want that in their life, do you want them in yours?
So you have to take care of yourself. Look after yourself. Nurture and love yourself, take yourself out to dinner. Buy yourself wonderful things. Look in the mirror and flirt with yourself. Challenge the negative messages others have given you. Find things within you that contradict those negative messages. You need to feel loveable for someone to want to love you and for you to let it in.
If you are in a relationship now and it does not have the romance elements in it that you want or you want more from it, then you are the one who is going to have to create that. You are going to have to make yourself more available for that. You are going to have to treat yourself better so that you are in a better feeling place so that you are more attractive to your partner. And if this does not re-kindle the fire in the heart of your partner it will repel them and attract one that is better suited to who you are now.
Romance is about relationships and getting to know another person. It is about the discovery of your own beauty through the eyes of an attentive other.
Part of what makes it feel good, of what keeps you open to receiving, is your recognition of qualities that you appreciate in this other person. It is your focus on the beauty you find in them.
What makes Romance go bad? When does it stop feeling good and start feeling bad? When you discover and focus on things you do not like in this other person. These bad feelings are an indication that you are focused on something that you do not want. They are an indication that you are pinching off your connection with your life giving, energizing, All Knowing and All Seeing Source.
Does pinching off your Source sound like something you want to do? It is not because you or they have done something bad that you are cut off from your Source. It is your focus on what you do not want the cuts you off from your Source.
This article is not intended to address how to deal with the dramatically abusive things that happen in some relationships. If you need that kind of help then please seek appropriate counseling. The concepts addressed here will help, but you will also need help understanding how so many of the ideas that you hold about life keep you from the happiness you seek.
Most relationships suffer from a break down in focus way before any of the more serious problems occur. One event at a time each person notices something they don’t like in their partner. Then they focus on it and make it a little bigger.
When you worry about something your partner did or does, and you tell others about how annoying it is, you are focusing your attention on it and you are shifting your vibration so that it matches those same unwanted behaviors. You are actually turning yourself into a magnet for more such experiences.
Not only that but if you are telling others about it you are probably setting up resentments in them towards your partner. So now there are two people holding negative energy towards your partner. Your friend may even begin to distance themselves from you because of the negative energy they perceive that you are making them feel.
Can you see how this would affect you? Can you see how this is not romantic energy you will be feeling, or even open to feeling if you are holding such thoughts in your mind? Can you see how this would affect your partner?
We all respond to our feelings and the feelings we pick up from others much more than we consciously realize. These feelings push and pull us, most don’t know why they go where they do, but yet they do go. Your work is to become conscious of the energies at play in your life and romantic relationships give you plenty of chances to generate the widest variety of feelings.
Negativity that you feel towards your partner will be noticed. Most people are not aware enough to turn away from this negativity so you are likely to arouse similar negativities within them or push them away from you if they do not wish to engage in them.
If your partner did something you did not like, of course you will feel bad. But the solution, the answer to the desire that is born from that event, comes from focusing on what you do desire. You don’t do battle with the problem, you turn away from it and walk towards what you do want.
One day I was in my girlfriend’s kitchen preparing a meal (we’ll call her Shelia). I put a skillet on the burner and turned it onto high to preheat it.
Shelia came in and upon seeing the skillet being heated with nothing in it became angry. “You’re going to ruin my pans! Don’t do that!” she snapped as she turned the heat off.
I was in a particularly clear space at that point in time and I decided to try turning her anger into love. I focused on many things about her that I loved and appreciated. I focused on some of the nice vacations we had taken together and on the feelings of making love with her.
I said nothing in my defense nor did anything else. Shelia said a few more derogatory words and then left the room. When the meal was ready I went to get her. She then blasted me with a few choice things from our past.
Here is where so many relationships go wrong. As you can see Sheila was still holding on to past issues. There is this accumulation process that most people do when something hurts them, they hang on to it and when other painful events occur at later times those old hurts also come to the foreground and receive focus. Even though I know how destructive this can be, I still catch myself doing it.
Sheila was focusing on what she did not want, not on what she did want. There was only one bad thing that happened yet she multiplied it into at least five other things. Thus increasing the intensity of her bad experience.
What affect would Sheila’s actions have had on you? I could feel it draw a very defensive and negative energy out of me. This is a great example of the creation process in action.
I was determined to keep my good feeling state of mind. I reached for better feeling thoughts about Sheila. I realized that she was already annoyed at the kangaroos that were eating the new grass she had just planted. I knew of other things had gone bad for her that day too. So I could understand how she got so angry when she discovered the empty skillet I was overheating. These thoughts gave me compassion for her.
I also reminded myself that I am a good partner. I treat her well. I am only trying to make lunch for us both. I have done nothing wrong. All of these thoughts helped me to feel better about myself and remain centered.
Rather than defend myself I said to Sheila, “These things have no bearing on this incident. In fact we have already sorted them out. Please, let’s go and enjoy a nice meal together.”
I continued to hold the thoughts of good times with Shelia. It was not even an hour later that the whole energy between us changed. We had a very nice and romantic connection for the rest of the day. Things like this used to cause us many hours or even days of disconnection. I am certain that the shift I made in my energy made the difference in this case.
So often people think that the romance in their life is due to the things they do. I know it is easy to believe this. However, if your actions are not in alignment with your thoughts and feelings then you are only wasting your energy and cutting yourself off from your Source.
There are many books that teach you how to re-kindle the love you once knew. They are full of great techniques and ideas. These are very helpful, but the actions you take must be inspired actions; inspired by the love and appreciation you have for your partner. So keep seeking out those things to admire and appreciate in your partner and in yourself.
Michael Skowronski is a spiritually oriented Life Coach and Counselor. He offers the free “Walk On Water” ezine and sells the “Facts of Life” ecourse from his http://gr8wisdom.com website. Michael also offers Teleclasses and an Apprenticeship Group. Please email comments or questions to mailto:Michael@gr8Wisdom.com.