Bounce back from Hard Times useful guide

Life happens. It is irrelevant how positive an attitude you have or how focused and centered you are, there are going to be times, when you are feeling down. Times when your carefully planned life, is turned upside down and you get knocked down, on your rear end. Life happens.

You will without doubt, experience serious illness, in either yourself or somebody you know. You may be confronted, with the loss of a loved one, a divorce or maybe the loss of a job or any number of situations, that will leave you feeling, like you were kicked in the belly.

Let’s face it. These situations, will happen. They’re part of life and no matter how hard you try to explain them away, with the thought that, "everything happens for a reason," they hurt. A lot! They hurt at the very center, of your being. The pain starts in your heart and radiates throughout your whole being.
Repeating positive phrases, does not end, the hurting. During these times, you’re going to feel down, even depressed. You probably feel anger or have some other manifestation of your pain. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. It’s ok to feel hurt, sad, angry or whatever your real feelings are. You cannot deny pain, any more than you can, deny fear. The only way through either of them is, to give yourself permission to feel the feeling.

The question is not whether or not you will feel down. The question is, for how long will you stay in this condition?

The difference between people who get through life’s difficult moments, irrespective of the seriousness, and those who are stunned by the events, is what I call the "Bounce Back Factor. "

How soon can you bounce back? Of course, the severity of the event, will have a lot to do with the time, it will take you to overcome the pain and to get on, with your life.

Take the example of two people being downsized from their high technology jobs, something that is happening regularly, these days. One, whom we’ll call John, is devastated, by the news of his dismissal. He expresses his pain by becoming angry, at the company, his fellow workers and the system in general. He spends his days telling anybody who’ll listen, about his "problem." Normally from a bar stool.

As he sees it, his life is destroyed and he’s blaming everybody, for his hardship. People who react like John spend weeks, even months, sinking in despair until, if they’re lucky, someone close to them, persuades them, to find professional help.

Mary, on the other hand, reacts much differently. Although she has gone through the same experience as John and has pretty much the same issues, like living costs, etc., she decides, to react differently.

After a short period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, self-pity and anger, Mary decides to get back, into the game. She begins contacting her network of colleagues and fellow workers, utilizes the outplacement services, her previous employer offered everyone and starts productively looking for a new position. In a short time, Mary finds her "ideal job" with an exciting new company.

While both people in our hypothetical example, had the same experience and both went through a period of pain, the time each allowed themselves to stay in that demoralised state, was very different. While John remained "stuck" in his problem, Mary overcame her loss and carried on with her life.

This is the key. It’s not whether life sometimes, puts you into a spin, it’s how long you remain there.

When something devastating happens to you, give yourself some time to mourn your loss, however, don’t allow yourself to get stuck there. Take some action. Join a support group, talk about your feelings, with a good trustworthy friend or your spiritual advisor. If needed, find professional help.

In the case of a job loss, maybe you want to take some time, to reassess your career goals. You may even consider changing your profession. When you’re ready, you can start networking and making new contacts. Attend social or church events. Call people you know. Do something!

One of the crucial things to remember, in high stressful situations, is not to allow yourself, to isolate. While spending some time alone is normal, even necessary, isolation can be harmful and should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be with people as soon as possible. As a friend recently reminded me, "life is for the living." It’s important to get back to your life. In time, the pain will be gone.

Walk Tall and Bounce like a Ball !