Useless Scrawl

Sub-commander Articulsar slumped down onto his steel bench behind his mahogany desk. It was to be just another day of ruling Earth, another sixty-three Denebian rubels.

Thanks to being married to General Hallalin’s sister, Sub-commander Articulsar had missed the actual conquest, having arrived after the fighting to control a nice quiet out-of-the-way section of the planet. He’d chosen this building as his command centre despite its unfortunate location, because he liked the desk. Sadly the matching chair had been covered in dead animal skin, no matter, as it hadn’t been made for a healthy Denebian’s muscular girth anyhow. He tapped his clawed fingers on the flat mahogany surface, which was now covered in cerulean bloodstains. Articulsar again wondered why there hadn’t been bloodstains from human blood when he took over the office. He’d checked and been told low-status humans sometimes ate at their desks. But then, why else have a large flat surface in your office?Was it too new? Or, did humans have a mysterious way of avoiding their blood from staining the wood? “Ready, subcommander?”Articulsar nodded and his adjutant began reciting his schedule for the day.

“The research team has destroyed the CERN particle accelerator.”

“Did they discover its military purpose?”“No, subcommander. We are still in the fog as to why anyone would-“Articulsar grinned. “It is a weapon. It must be.”

“Surely, they would have fired it when-” “Humans are weird creatures. That must explain why they didn’t use it against our armada.”

The adjutant hesitated, being fully aware how many young Denebians Subcommander Articulsar had decapitated just for disagreeing with him. “Couldn’t it be a communication device? They seem to be communicating in some way we can’t-” His words were literally cut off, by Articulsar’s batrite blade slicing through his throat.

“Interesting thought. We’ll see if its destruction interferes with the rebels’ organizational techniques.” He stared for a moment at the human intercom. It was the button next to the two scrawls that make it work. He tapped the button with his claw. “Sergeant, educate a new adjutant, then send them in.” Articulsar dragged the headless corpse onto his desk, and settled down to an early lunch.

The nervous new adjutant walked in, and turned off the intercom. “Subcommander, we have new reports of coordinated human action. Their warriors seem to know how to disable our security devices now.”

“In which city?”“Various cities, and on more than one continent. It is the same as with their sudden mastery of captured Denebian weapons. Plus, those we capture claim Denebians informed them, or say that our technology is exactly the same as one of their television shows.”

“Could they still be sending coded messages using their televisions and radios?”“We have slaughtered everyone working at every television and radio station without giving them a chance to speak to anyone.” The new adjutant braced himself for execution.

“Well, it probably isn’t coded messages. Has this had any impact on our occupation of their world?”The adjutant nodded, and then made his peace with all three Denebian deities. “As of midday Denebian time, we have been driven out of the British Isles, and retreated back several hundred more chains from the west coast of North America.” He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see the batrite coming.

The next adjutant survived until Articulsar’s weekly briefing, where his six immediate subordinates gathered to make their reports.

“Sub commander Articulsar, I think we should again consider religious persecution.” Subsubcommander Harrakirikan ignored the warning gestures from two other subsubcommanders. “The vast quantity of complex scrawls that humans produce can’t be simply religious. This so-called ‘Internet’ is actually just billions of scrawls stored in computers.”

“No, not just scrawls. Many so-called ‘web pages’ have both words and pictures.” The assembled Denebians nodded. All of them, whether male or female, enjoyed the Internet’s many pictures of naked Earth females.

“Yes.” Harrakirikan shifted in his chair. “Naked females are nice, but it can’t be the only purpose of the Internet.” Several Denebians frowned, since it did seem to be the sole purpose of the Internet. Pre-invasion human recordings supported this fact. “I think that the Internet has something to do with getting Denebians to tell our secrets.”

The subcommander grinned at the outspoken subsubcommander, and then decapitated him. Three other subsubcommanders dragged the body onto the conference table. The weekly briefing paused, as it was very impolite to speak while eating someone of equal rank.

Articulsar wiped his mouth with his sleeve. His adjutant dragged the remains away off the table. He gestured to a subsubsubcommander to take over both Harrakirikan’s old seat as well as his duties.

“Could there be anything to what…Umm…” Articulsar gestured towards the door.

“Harrakirikan?”

“Thank you. To what Harrakirikan said?”

“I don’t see how.” Subsubcommander Banalist tapped his claws on the blood-splattered conference table. “We have tried to use these scrawls every way we can but had no success. They aren’t circuit diagrams, maps, or weapons. We can’t figure out how to use them as psychological warfare, or to force confessions from either Denebians or humans.

”Teracin nodded. “When I try to use them to intimidate humans, they usually just laugh.

”Banalist shook his head. “If the scrawls were a weapon, why would humans cover their buildings and their clothes with them?”“Personal protection?”Teracin looked around the table. “Uhartaris thought they might be forms of ‘frozen speech’, didn’t she?”Articulsar licked his lips. “What did she mean by that?”The assembled subsubcommanders looked at each other. None of them had time to ask her the question before Articulsar performed the decapitation. However, no one said a word in protest.

Teracin jabbed a claw into Kutincar, the man who’d replaced Harrakirikan, causing him to jerk forward.

“Yes, subsubcommander?”Kutincar cleared his throat, relishing in its intactness. “Well, when we first conquered them, they tended to hold sheets of paper covered in scrawls, and speak while looking at them. I think they called it ‘reading’. Something religious I assume.

”Articulsar leaned forward, still looking a little hungry. “But even that kind of ‘frozen words’ would still need someone to speak them, right?” Everyone nodded, hoping to keep his or her head on. “So, what is the point?”The assembled subcommanders all quickly muttered in agreement or disagreement, whichever they thought Articulsar wished.

#Harry listened carefully to the Denebian technician describing how their faster warp drive worked. While the alien watched, he openly wrote down the details. Apparently, if you couldn’t talk to anyone outside the compound, Denebian’s assumed you couldn’t transmit information outside either. They’d even helped the human-trained assistants to set up computers and connect to the Internet. Whenever his Denebian masters weren’t ogling naked women, Harry and his friends posted the newly-gained alien technology on their website, http://www.denebiantech.com/.

If the rebels would just restrain themselves and resist defeating the ‘invaders’, Harry could give humans all the technology of the Third Denebian Interstellar Empire. Once they’d learned it all, then they should see about driving the invaders off of the Earth, maybe then starting work on The First Human Interstellar Empire.