Arguing About Arguments, the Chinless, and North Korean Parrots...

I really don’t know why it matters. My opinions are just that, only my opinions, and mean no more and no less than anyone else's. In the past I’ve studiously avoided writing about politics and world events because there are already tons of people out there who write about such subjects, and, to tell y’all the truth, I wonder why some of them even bother putting in the effort. Columns about politics and world events end up being nothing more than the columnist’s take on such things, but I guess people are interested in knowing just what those “takes“ are. Maybe they spur discussion, or something. Given that, I’m going to take one shot at giving y’all my honest slant on some of the big news items going on out in the world today. And hey, if y’all don’t like it, don‘t worry about it, cause it‘ll be a long time before I do this again. With all that having being said, here’s a short synopsis of what I see goin’ on out in the world these days:

1. North Korea - Run by a megalomaniac who looks like a human version of a parrot dressed in green army fatigues. He constantly puffs his chest out and threatens nuclear troubles for all the world around him, when the reality is that he can’t even feed his own people. He only has the nuclear chip to bargain for much needed hand-outs with, so he’ll drag out negotiations regarding them for as long as possible, even though he needs said hand-outs to keep his regime afloat. Doesn’t matter in the least to him as he’ll still be eating through it all. This guy and the person in charge of running the “Oil-for-Food” program over at the United Nations must’ve both attended the same management school, that’s about the only thing I can figure.

2. Syria - Terrorist supporting nation run by the son of its previous dictator. He’s most notable for having no chin and for having even less leadership ability. Anxious to hang onto power at all costs, he’ll suck up to both the U.S. and the terrorists with equal amounts of zeal. Pretty much the hoochie mama of the middle east, he’ll sing a sweet song to whomever happens to be playing the fiddle for him at the time. My money says that if someone walked up behind him and hollered “Osama” really loud that he would salute and click his heels together before he even realized what he was doing.

3. France - France feigns true love for us, but thumbs their nose in our direction every chance they get. Were it not for the United States they’d most likely still be goose-stepping, but their memories appear to have dimmed considerably regarding their fairly recent past. Even today, I’m convinced that if France were attacked the first thing they’d do is place a frantic call to the United States to enlist our help. And if I were President Bush, I’d tell them that I was busy eating lunch and to go take it up with the United Nations. Then I’d finish my sandwich.

4. Squabbles in the Senate between the Democrats and Republicans - Honestly, I’ve never understood why the will of 40 people overrides the will of 50 plus people. I’ve felt this way through both the Democratic and Republican regimes of the past, and I’ll continue to feel this way on out into the future. Maybe we should base each senator’s salary on the number of issues they tackle during each session of Congress, perhaps that would fire a few of ’em up and prompt them into doing something that would help us all. Watching these grown men and women argue about how long they can argue with each other over issues makes about as much sense as the strapping on of a chastity belt before entering a house of ill repute, and that’s me being really nice about it.

Okay, that should be more than enough of this for awhile. To me, talkin’ about Elvis, women, The Brotherhood, and hamdogs is far more interesting than writing about this kind of stuff. So folks, don’t ask me to do this again, or, if a lot of y’all do, I swear that I’ll write a column somewhere down the road filled with interesting quotes from some of Gerhardt Schroeder’s greatest speeches!