Since ... 11th although tempers have flared, ... has ... and ... has become an ... visitor to many, ... ... have not faltered and divorce filings hav
Since September 11th although tempers have flared, depression has increased and sleeplessness has become an unwelcome visitor to many, committed relationships have not faltered and divorce filings have declined. Why is this? Even though people are stressed and often wind up fighting with their husband, wife or significant other, something positive has also occurred. People realize that they need each other and that life really is too hard to do alone. They need the security of their valued friends and loved ones. A warm body in bed can feel good when you wake up terrified in the middle of the night. Someone to talk to and to touch has taken on new meaning. And, the single scene suddenly doesn’t seem all that it was once cracked up to be.
Relationships, kindness and gentleness salve serious wounds. Couples instinctively seem to understand this. When faced with new threats, differences that once seemed major can seem insignificant. In that way, this time of upheaval can be used positively to strengthen the ties that bind.
If you and your partner find that you are in fact fighting more, or that nothing between you seems right, pay attention to whether it is your partner you suddenly can’t stand, or if you may be scape-goating them. Another possibility may be that you feel safe and well loved enough to let out your anger, frustration and helplessness about the state of the world with the one person you can trust to not go away, even if you behave badly.
Do be careful. With so much hate floating around, take the time to love those who are close to you. It will help you get through what otherwise may be long days and lonely nights.
Dr. Dorree Lynn is co-founder of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Psychotherapy and a practicing clinician in New York and Washington, DC. Dr. Lynn served on the executive board of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and she is on the editorial board of their publication, Voices. She is also a regular columnist for the Washington, DC newspaper, The Georgetowner. Dr. Lynn is a noted speaker and well known on the lecture circuit.
