Is It A Crisis Or Does It Just Feel Like One

Part one of a series on psychotherapy

Contrary to the way most of us think about crises, genuine crises are few and far between. Life or death situations such as serious illness, a bad accident, or a suicide attempt are crises that must be dealt with in the moment. An out of control alcoholic spouse, a physically abusive parent, a child swallowing poison, the aftermath of rape, are all crises that require immediate attention. In these situations you will need to call a trusted relative or friend, a crisis hot line, 911, your physician, or go to the local emergency room. You must take action now. Almost all other situations such as a divorce or your child having a behavior problem just make you feel as though you must do something this second. You want to do almost anything to stop the pain, but, in fact, you don't have to do anything in the moment. You have time to think and to find the best help you can.

Ask yourself an important question. Is what you are facing really a crisis or does it just feel like one? Although we live in a culture that demands instant gratification and instant solutions, in actuality there is very little that must be acted on immediately. What most people consider a crisis is simply an overwhelming sense of panic, an intense reaction to a conflict or difficult situation. Since life will always hand us "hard times," it helps to understand that we can learn to manage a situation that feels "out of control." Human beings are remarkably resilient and tend to bounce back even when it feels as though they never will. All cultures understand that upheaval can result in growth. The Chinese symbol for crisis or obstacle is the same one that represents opportunity. This is a notion to which I adhere, as a psychotherapist and as a human being.

Many events that feel like a crisis can be handled with time or may propel you to seek help. For example, your long term lover has suddenly walked out, the school has called to inform you that your child has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), your sister calls to tell you that she thinks you have never loved her, your boss has reneged on the promotion he promised you, your spouse wants a divorce, or your father is ill and dying. Again, I urge you to remember that these are not crises, they only feel that way. The sense of intolerable pain can usually be tolerated long enough to evaluate your feelings and determine whether or not you need help. You need time to sort out what you feel, what is real, what you can or should do, and, possibly, your portion of responsibility in these events. Very little must be done in the moment. Often a little extra time in the short-term can avoid long-term mistakes.

Life is too hard to do alone,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.