I see this so much in my office- couples wanting to re-hash a week old argument and wanting me to judge who's right. Detail by detail they correct each other, exactly who said what, who did what first, as if each admited detail is a score toward the finish line.
But nobody really gets anywhere because there are no winners in an argument between partners. If there's a winner that means there's a loser, which means the winner loses too. Losers don't like winners very much. (Which, by the way, leaves winners out in the cold with frostbite you know where. )
Relationships are not about opponents or gladiators. They're about loving your lover.
When you love you give the gifts of empathy and the benefit of the doubt. You understand that your partner is probably feeling hurt beneath the anger. You try to understand and ask for help in understanding because you want to make it better.
When you are loved you receive the gifts of empathy and the benefit of the doubt. You feel understood and appreciate the empathy and efforts of your partner.
The more you are given, the more you receive. The more you receive, the more you want to give.
It becomes a lot easier than the win thing.
Copyright Maggie Vlazny, MSW 20105
The Myth of Spousal Telepathy: Navigating Communication in Relationships
In the dance of love and partnership, many harbor the secret hope that their significant other possesses the uncanny ability to read their minds. This expectation is particularly prevalent among women, who often believe they can intuit their partner's thoughts and are baffled when the favor isn't returned. However, the reality is that mindreading is a fantasy—a form of wishful thinking that can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. In truth, clear and direct communication is the key to fulfilling relationships. Imagine the chaos if every fleeting thought was laid bare for our partners to see?
Women and Self Esteem
What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self esteem. Why is that? Why do so many of us basically dislike ourselves? Why are we embarrassed to "esteem" ourselves?
Dying: A Family Rite of Passage
Dying: A Family Rite of Passage by Maggie Vlazny, MSW When my mother lost her father it was sad, but not ... He was 80 years old, had had that ... kind of cancer that old men often get,
