The Decision: A True Story

Part Three Of A Series On Psychotherapy Once you have made the decision to find help, be wary of "fast-food solutions," the "McDonalds" type of psychotherapy such as glib call-in radio shows, simplistic magazine articles, or motivational tapes that promise to instantly heal your deepest wounds. It may only take thirty days to tighten a tummy, but soothing a troubled soul may take considerably longer. While there are helpful remedies for depression, obsession, anxiety, or a host of other psychological problems, there are no instant cures for the upheavals and stresses that are all too common facts of life. The social norms of the twenty-first century are convenience, precision, and speed. But when it comes to healing a hurt heart or suffering soul, slow and steady can win the race.

On the other hand, if all you really need is help in making a decision about a new job, a sick relative, or pre-marital counseling, be careful not to commit yourself to a trek up Mt. Everest, when all you may require is a situational solution. Sometimes less can be more. If you have never sought help, you may be wise to open the door a crack and look around before crossing the threshold.

Once you have differentiated between a crisis and a non-crisis, you still are faced with myriad choices within the mental health care maze. Even professional health care practitioners need help sorting out all the options. Several years ago, I supervised Susan, a talented and well-trained psychiatrist, who also happened to be a working mom with one teenage son and two younger daughters. Divorced for five years, she had recently remarried. The girls were delighted to have a new dad. However, her son Ryan felt replaced as the primary "man" in her life. Ryan became increasingly vocal about how much he hated the new intruder. He felt displaced, and in a way that can be typical of teenagers, he demanded attention by "acting out.” Unhappy and angry, Ryan stole a car. The police caught him and Susan and her new husband received every parent's dreaded nightmare-the call to come to the police station. The police warned Susan that "Ryan was a bad kid," a "rotten apple" who would amount to no good. They urged Susan to press charges and make sure that Ryan would go to jail for a long time. Because she had trained to understand her son's underlying issues, Susan knew enough to call an attorney who managed to keep her son out of jail. However, even though she understood that her son was "crying out for help," Susan was unclear about what steps to take next.

Susan turned to me for help. Together we decided that Ryan needed to speak to a therapist of his own, and that the whole family could benefit from family therapy. Although Susan was an excellent psychiatrist, in this situation she was a mother and wife first. Through a social service agency affiliated with the hospital where she worked, Susan, her son, and the newly blended family were able to find the help they needed.

The immediate crisis had been handled by calling her attorney, but it had taken several weeks of careful consideration to find the appropriate long-term help. Susan was lucky. She already knew a mental health professional whom she trusted. Still, it took time before she was able to sort out a useful direction for all involved.

Life is too hard to do alone,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.