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Pop-up from the Pulpit, Or , Osama bin Laid

It could happen the next time you fly. It could happen the next time you open a letter. It could happen the next time you're at a ball game. It could even happen the next time you check your email in-

It could happen the next time you fly. It could happen the next time you open a letter. It could happen the next time you're at a ball game. It could even happen the next time you check your email in-box. The threat of enemy attack is imminent. It's just a good thing we have the Christian Coalition to assist us in our fight against evil.

Perhaps you didn't realize that the family-friendly lobbying group was also such a strong ally on the homeland security front. As told in a 10/8 PR Week story, a pop-up ad window appearing on the organization's website recently read, "The tragic terrorist attacks are driving home a very painful lesson for every American. We must make it our top priority to safeguard our own cities and towns from an insidious enemy."

The trouble is, the CC's idea of an enemy isn't necessarily what you may expect. It's not terrorism, or Osama bin Laden, or any of the villains of the day. It's pornography. Yes, as the site user was soon to discover, the "insidious enemy" is "pictures of naked people on the Web," according to the PR Week piece (Pop-up porn rant poorly presented).

A visit to the group's anti-smut Web sanctuary by The Lowbrow Lowdown Lackeys revealed that the pop-up copy no longer lures site visitors through misleading text (also a common practice of pornography pushers). Instead it reads, "Special Report: How Pornography Is Attacking Our Families (Click for Details)."

Sure, at first glance, Pat Robertson and his flock seem to have gone a bit overboard with the pop-up ad. But maybe, just maybe, they're on to something. Perhaps there is a direct correlation between the evils of pornography and the lascivious lifestyles that foster Taliban-sanctioned terrorism. Think about it: reporters say Osama and crew live in caves, but they're not caves. They're pleasure dens. When the media claim that these al Qaeda training camps are teaching troops to fire "stinger missiles," don't be fooled. The term "stinger missile" is a euphemism for the most potent, powerful weapon of all: the love gun, people, the penis! As for those Afghani women who shroud themselves from head-to-toe in burkas, do you know what they've got under all that concealing clothing? Nothing -- that's right! Those harlots are completely nude under there! And that supreme leader, Mullah Mohammed Omar: that tale about him losing an eye after being hit by Soviet shrapnel is a fallacy! We all know why he really went blind. You guessed it: too much masturbation!

So, maybe if the U.S. Government funnels fewer funds into military operations and this so-called "homeland security" and more money into the war against pornography, we can truly rid the world of the evil-doers. Of course, posting the Ten Commandments in the Supreme Court chambers wouldn't hurt either.

That's not all! For additional humorous, thought-provoking, ad & marketing commentary with biteFeature Articles, visit

Article Tags: Could Happen, Next Time

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Kate Kaye is a freelance writer who regularly covers the advertising and marketing industry. Her work has been published in AdAge, Business 2.0, Creativity, BrandEra's BrandNews, NewMedia, Revolution Magazine and other publications. Kate is also the author of The Lowbrow Lowdown, a syndicated commentary column focusing on advertising and marketing related topics. The humorous and thought-provoking Lowbrow Lowdown can be found online at

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