Good Vibrations

Why is it that some guys won't allow another penis in bed to please their woman? I mean what's the big deal? It's just a thing...

My friend Caroline and I were revved up to buy our first vibrators. Actually the one we wanted was a mail-order special, which wasn't available from any of the local adult shops. So we poured over the catalogue, giggling with anticipation and shocked at our own boldness. After all, we were Vibrator Virgins and eager to be de-vibrated.

There was one difference between Caroline and I; she had a partner and I was single. It turned out to be a big difference. The next day at work, my friend came over to my desk to cancel her order. Her man had been totally freaked out by the idea of a vibrator joining them in bed. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say.

It's a funny thing that when you stop thinking about something, it usually comes your way. So it wasn't long after a discreetly wrapped package had arrived in my mail, that a new man entered my world. After a period of time I casually dropped into the conversation the existence of, erm, another penis in my life. My new squeeze raised his eyebrows, grinned wickedly, leaned over and asked if we could all play together. He got extra brownie points for that.

Of course, I understand it all depends on what we're comfortable with. I have a friend, a corporate high-flyer, with a vocabulary like a sailor on shore leave. Not only does she somehow manage to slip the word ‘blow-job’ into almost every conversation, she also has a veritable arsenal of sex toys. She uses one of those Big Jim tool boxes (the big one) to contain her stash of goodies. Now her partner's a quiet, patient kind of guy - a calm counterfoil to her volatile fire. He just shrugs, smiles, loves pleasuring his woman. Of course, it might have something to do with the fact that he's a diesel mechanic by trade, used to going under bonnets and spending hours tinkering with engines to make them go faster.

It's just that some guys seem more threatened by the presence of a vibrator than others. Size concerns? Hell no, by now everyone knows that it's not what you've got; it's what you do with it that matters. Besides, some of those dildo-types are so grossly over-sized they're enough to give me a closed case of vaginismus.

Fears of preference? The thought that secretly, deep down inside, we prefer using the vibrator? Granted, there's no wet spot but seriously, I've never heard a girlfriend, one who's in a good relationship anyway - wish away a delicious Sunday frolic with her man, over a lonesome interlude with a mass-produced plastic toy. There're also those really weird guys who need their significant other to be The Good Woman, angelic, virginal and slightly breathless in bed. He's got some warped idea that good girls are clean, and bad girls are dirty. According to this Calvinistic thinking, it's only bad girls who use vibrators to fulfill their own needs. He probably gets a disapproving hard-on just thinking about it. At the end of the day, the only threat a vibrator really poses to a guy is that it can find its way to our G-spot and clitoris without needing directions. And therein lies the rub. Someone who's insecure may find this a little threatening. But someone who's comfortable and caring enough to be curious will find a perfect learning, I mean loving opportunity right in front of them.

I believe there're basically two kinds of lovers: ones who need to be your pleasure and others who simply want your pleasure. So, the real question is: which will it be, your pleasure or mine?