Terry Hernon MacDonald

Relationship Advice: Wash That (Bad) Man Out of Your Hair

Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims he loves you but can’t marry you because a) his wife won’t divorce him, b) his last relationship ended so painfully it nearly killed him, or c) he can’t make a commitment until his kids are in college?

Here’s how to get unstuck:

1) Understand that you have no control over the situation. You can't make a man love you the way you deserve to be loved, you can't keep him faithful, you can’t force him to tell the truth. If he’s not willing, forget it.

2) Let go. Don't call a man who causes you pain. Don't go looking for him (in other words, stop picking at the pimple). If Aunt Polly asks what happened to that lovely fellow you brought to Cousin Elmer’s wedding, tell her he died.

3) Close your heart. Sure, your blood pounds whenever the guy walks into the room, but you can change this. Definitely. Write a list of the things you don't like about him (be honest; there are a couple!). Refer to this list whenever you're tempted to fantasize about him, or worse, contact him. Bring to mind the times he made you feel bad about yourself in 3-dimensional detail.

Your goal is to become indifferent. In other words, you want to get to the point where you’d rather shop for socks than hang out with the guy.

4) Write a list of all things you have going for you: Sense of humor? Compassion? Resourcefulness? Remember every compliment you've ever gotten. Write them down. Whip ‘em out whenever you start mooning over What’s-His-Name. Know that you're an excellent catch.

5) Take care of yourself. Speak to yourself as you would a beloved child. Wear clothes that honor your body. Eat foods that nourish you. Avoid convenience foods that damage your health and your looks. Buy yourself flowers.

The antidote to being stuck on a bad man is to learn to love yourself enough to stop being attracted to him. The bonus? After a while, you’ll start attracting (and being attracted to!) men who really know how to love a woman.

Go for it.

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