1. Women have learned and are in the habit of being driven by the approval of others. Most women allow the expectations of others to define them and therefore making the approval of others is responsible for their happiness. This pattern gives others’ the power to make and take your happiness at any time. Approval seeking steals your happiness and doesn’t allow you to ever get to know yourself, your wants, your desires, or your needs. A total disconnect. Thus an up and down roller-coaster of emotions. Not a pleasant way to live.
2. Women their achievements define their value. This belief causes several problems. When you believe that you are defined by your achievements, you are unable to feel good about yourself or have strong self-esteem unless you are accomplishing or producing which does not allow for down time, relaxation or free creativity. There is no room for you to just be… you. You identify yourself as results. This way of living allows for little or no joy, peace, or contentment because you are always looking for the next way to achieve. This is very different from healthy goal setting. Attaching your value to your achievements will ensure that you will not exit your emotional roller-coaster.
3. Women believe their children define them. Holding this belief can be very damaging for the parent and the child. When parents (unconsciously) hold the belief that their children define them or give them value, they will act in a way that pressures kids to perform at a standard they cannot match up to. Or parents try to force kids to have goals that the parent thinks is best and disregard what the kid or teen wants. Parents with this belief tie their sense of purpose to their children’s results or who they become. This will steal your child’s own sense of worth because he/she will only feel good about themselves when they meet your standards and expectations. And quite frankly this is not the unconditional love your child deserves. This is pushing your own agenda on your kids. Children, teens, and young adults need some (increasing as they age) space to figure out what they want and what is important to them! Discover your own identity and allow your children to do the same. Anything else will push your children away emotionally as they grow up. If you depend on your children’s results (or your perception of what these results “should” be) you will stay on the emotional roller-coaster!
4. Women believe that their husbands are supposed to make them happy. Who of you thought when you got married (if you are married), or perhaps moved in with a significant other, that, “this person will make me so happy”? Or if you have experienced a divorce or a break-up, you may have thought, “this person makes me so unhappy”. I am simplifying a bit, but the principal is true. The problem with this thinking is that if we allow people to “make” us happy, then at any time that person can “take” our happy. Only you are responsible for your happiness. You must create or develop an inner knowing that you are completely loveable, worthy, and valuable regardless of who is or isn’t a part of our life!
“Reboundability”: An Essential Skill for a Successful Life!
Do you have difficulty recovering from mistakes, failure and disappointment? Do you find yourself reliving these setbacks over and over? Do certain life situations or challenges have you stressed to the max?
Are You a "Right-Fighter"?
Do you find yourself struggling to "win" arguments? Do people ask you why you always have to be right? Does conflict you engage in typically end with you having the last word, but no one feels good about the argument? Do arguments you engage in usually escalate to shouting and anger? If you have said yes to any of these questions, you are likely a right-fighter!
