You Can Be Happy If You Decide To Be

Well, the holidays are over and you’re probably feeling generally burned out by all the excess- too much socializing, too much family, too much food and drink, too much money spent…and the list goes on. The holidays, while mostly enjoyable, can also bring about a real ‘letdown’ feeling when they’re over. We often feel blue, out-of-sorts, and lacking direction and focus. So what do we do to feel more ‘together’ and ‘in control’ after such a time?  We make resolutions!  You know the drill: I will lose 10 pounds in the next three months, I will be kinder to my partner, I’ll stick to a strict budget, etc.

Well, I’ve got another one to add to your New Year’s Resolutions list and it’s number one on mine and that is:

I WILL BE MORE POSITIVE IN MY THINKING IN ORDER TO ATTRACT WHAT I REALLY WANT.

Did I make this idea up? I wish…No, this concept is filtering into all of our brains on a daily basis and is ‘all the rage’ these days.  It’s trendy. It’s fashionable.  And yes, it can lead to the attainment of a fabulous wardrobe.  And that’s not all…

The entire concept solidified for me the other night while watching a film a colleague loaned me called, “The Secret” (you can find it online at: http://thesecret.tv/home.html).  While very Hollywood and at times, downright cheesy, the basic message is very good.  In short, it’s all about “the law of attraction” which states that what we focus on in our minds is what we get.  I utilise this concept extensively in my self-help book, “Dump That Chump” (http://www.dumpthatchump.com) to help women let go of toxic relationship patterns and attract their ideal partner. In short, what we tell ourselves about what is possible for us to attain, is what we draw to us.

For example, if we believe that all men are jerks and that they really do come from Mars; that’s the kind of guys we’ll attract.  On the other hand, if we believe that there is a multitude of decent, kind, loving, and emotionally available men out there just waiting to meet someone fabulous like ourselves, those are the kind of guys that we’ll attract.  I like how Marianne Williamson, an expert on the Course In Miracles puts it: She says that we essentially send out psychic ‘radar’ to potential partners letting them know what and who we’re looking for and that “when we get serious, the Universe takes us seriously.”

Other great thinkers call it, “being in the flow”; you know that feeling when you’re doing what you love and everything is just so easy and seems to fall into place and you feel warm and fuzzy inside and feel connected to everything and everyone around you…that’s what I’m talking about.   That’s exactly the feeling I have right now as I write this. I feel lit up inside, thrilled about sharing what I know with others, totally connected to my purpose, and knowing deep in my heart that I am using the gifts the Creator gave me.  It’s a fabulous feeling and a lot better for my health than a chocolate bar!

I’m sure you’ve had similar moments and my guess is that you want to have more of them.  We all do.  How can it be done, you ask?  BY CHANGING OUR THINKING.  You see, we learn a lot of things in school, but something sadly lacking in the curriculum is how to think properly.  I feel that as a society, the majority of us suffer from what they call in 12-step groups,  “stinking thinking”.  We are constantly telling ourselves negative things about who we are and what we can achieve. A lot of this is unconscious and we don’t even realise we’re doing it.  I mean, who in their right mind would consciously sabotage themselves hundreds of times a day and continue to feel unfulfilled and not get what they really want out of life?

Examples of stinking thinking I hear every day from clients are things like:

“I know my partner treats me badly, but all guys are like that”.

“I really want to work for myself and get out of this horrible job I’m in and do what I’m really passionate about, but that’s not realistic- I have bills to pay.”

“I’ve always wanted to take dance lessons but I totally suck at dancing and I’m too old now to do that anyway.”

And what do we end up getting when we put such messages out to the Universe?  Exactly what we put out there.  In The Secret, they say that we create our own reality through our thoughts- this is not a new idea as many famous philosophers, scientists, and mystics have been saying this for thousands of years.  And yet, so many of us ignore this basic truth and keep ourselves stuck by ‘playing small’ in life and not asking for too much.  God forbid, we should be successful, happy, healthy, and full of love.

I know this way of being all too well as I come from a family and a culture where suffering is almost next to Godliness.  The fodder for most conversation focuses on how bad one’s health is, or the horrible state of the world and how uncaring the human race is, etc.  I soaked up these messages very early on and walked around with my head down, being ever so serious (I’m still working on that one), and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. 

But lately, I’ve had an epiphany and that is that my suffering and focusing on the negatives doesn’t help myself or anyone else live a better life, clean up the environment, stop wars and killing, or end poverty.  It just ends up depressing the hell out of me (and everyone around me) and leaves me feeling hopeless and apathetic.  When you’re feeling depressed and hopeless, chances are you’re not going to have much ‘get up and go’ to change things for the positive on a global level.

I find that an old adage comes in very handy for bringing about the positive changes we desire in ourselves and in the world around us and that is: FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT.  Act as if you have whatever it is you want RIGHT NOW even in the face of contrary evidence.  Your brain doesn’t know the difference- it believes what you tell it to be true.

In this vein, I leave some homework to start off your New Year on a positive and affirming note:

On an index card, write down five positive affirmations to attract things you want in your life and write them as if they have already manifested in your life.  For example, “I am fit and healthy.  Every day I become healthier and stronger in my body and my mind.”

Read your affirmations out loud once in the morning upon awakening and once before bed so they set your day and then summarize your day and soak deeply into your unconscious.

Do this for three months and see what happens!  You’ll be amazed.

Happy thinking!

 Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author of “Dump That Chump: A Ten-Step Plan for Ending Bad Relationships and Attracting the Fabulous Partner You Deserve (www.dumpthatchump.com), and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t Teach You: Grown Women’s Stories of Their Teen Years (www.guidebooktowomanhood.com). Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community Counsellor, to uplift and inspire women at: www.estherkane.com.