Confessions of a Trackday Instructor

School’s cool. And it’s not just bearded Guardian readers who impart knowledge these days, either. The current popularity of track riding means lots of folks want to know how to go fast round circuits. So quick riders are doing their bit, showing track virgins and mere mortals how to slash seconds off their lap times at race schools and trackdays up and down the land.

Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 Turning wobbling novices into even half-decent track riders isn’t easy though. It’s a job that requires patience, humility, understanding, empathy and, of course, the ability to cane a bike within an inch of its life all day long.

To truly excel at his craft, a trackday instructor also needs hawk-like eyes for the ladies, a guiltless desire to put one over fellow instructors at any time and a constitution strong enough to handle several gallons of Stella the night before an event. So as you’re about to
nd out, life as a trackday instructor isn’t all braking markers, blackboards and bright yellow bibs... Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

Preparation

For some instructors the serious business of preparation begins the night before any on-track action. In the bar. Being sociable or knocking back a jar or two for Dutch courage is all well and good, but hitting the sauce just hours before going on track isn’t always the best policy, as Dec Crutchlow (father of British Supersport 600 front runner Cal, no less) explains: “A few years ago when I was istructing at Brands Hatch’s Foggy Ducati school we’d stop over in the circuit hotel so we could be up bright and early.

Stopping over meant socialising so, naturally, we’d end up getting really pissed. One guy got so hammered once that he was offering people money to take his instructing place the next day - he was that ill.”

You’re not riding that

Once over the hangover it’s often the instructors’ job to scrutineer punters’ bikes. Most trackdayers are switched-on enough to turn up on well maintained tackle or use the bikes many track schools provide, but in the early days of trackdays almost anything went - and often did. “Some people have no idea,” reckons Dec Crutchlow.

“I’ve seen single bolts holding on brake calipers, loose handlebars and tyres that wouldn’t even pass the legal limit, let alone anything else. Worse still, many owners seem oblivious to it. There are always some who say, ‘What’s the matter with that?’ That was an easy question for Dave ‘The Goat’ Smith to answer when he spotted a shabby Hayabusa at Brands.

“Its head bearings were shot, the chain was dragging on the ground and its tyres were fucked. The owner ended up buying new tyres and a chain while we sorted out his head bearings before he even got near the track.” Flippant attitudes towards safety don’t end there however. Dec Crutchlow: “I’ve removed riders from the track for not wearing gloves – not once, but three times!

I said to them, ‘Do you do that on the road?’ and they go, ‘Yeah, sometimes, if it’s warm and that. ’For some punters it’s not only their hands they couldn’t care less about. “I was a school at Donington and I saw a young lad out on his RGV riding around with trainers on,” says long-time instructor Brenden Marchesi. “I’m not even sure how he got out of the pitlane - he must have snuck out.
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