Ann Golden Eglé

Authentic and Respectful Relationships

How can you be the change that changes others this week? Here is a story about relationship integrity (or rather, the lack of it). Let's see if there is something like this in your life and find a way to improve it.

We all have 'hot spots' of behavior or modes of thinking that are intolerable. Following is one of my clients. If this holds true for you, let's make the world a better place.

Bruce just bought his second home. Each and every transaction provides its own set of unique challenges. Why? Each involves emotion and money.

Bruce's realtor was a top-level professional who listened to him intently and kept him informed at every twist and turn. His loan officer was equally respectful. Bruce felt well taken care of until the last, possibly most important junctionthe closing.

In Bruce's own words, his escrow officer "appeared not the least bit interested in him. He felt like he was an imposition. She glanced impatiently at her watch with every question she was asked; each form was literally shoved under his pen to sign with a fast explanation he could barely follow. The atmosphere was tense."

As hard as his realtor and loan officer worked to make Bruce's transaction a success, this final stage left him feeling dismal. Bruce recalled that his first transaction and refinance was similar. His question: "Why is this acceptable behavior?"

Because, what this escrow officer doesn't realize is that this poor treatment of her purchaser speaks volumes of her low level of relationship integrity . How we treat others; how patient and kind we are; our focus and willingness to listen and understand demonstrates more about who we are than who they are.

A person of high integrity is authentic and respectful with whomever they interact, from a waiter to CEO. People don't have to earn their acceptance, it comes naturally. They are confident, curious and non-judgmental. A person of integrity easily displays proper manners and good etiquette. This doesn't sound like our escrow officer, does it?

In Class Acts, author Mary Mitchell describes good manners, and I believe her definition is a solid measure of integrity: "Good manners come from the inside. They reflect principles of self-respect and respect for others. Good manners create good relationships; good relationships create good business, not the other way around."

Bruce will be just fine once he is settled. Unless the escrow officer wakes up to the affect of her behavior, she will continue to treat clients disrespectfully, damaging relationships that had been thoughtfully created by those before her.

Our example is about the escrow industry, but it does not begin or stop there. Every industry has its level of the lack of relationship integrity. My mind is boggled that any level of disrespect when dealing with others could be viewed as acceptable. I don't care what level of interaction it occurs on.

Understand that it does not take that much more time or energy to show others you care and are unquestionably a person of integrity. How can you be the change that changes others this week? What will your interactions with others say about your level of 'relationship integrity?' Have a great week and enjoy your discoveries.

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