Give Your Inner Critic a Long Overdue Break

If this part of our self is left unattended and nurtured in the wrong way, it can become a distractive force in our lives and hold us back from achieving what we want and desire. The reason I decided to write this article is that there are too many of us who give into the voice of the critic, and let our dreams and desires fall by the wayside because of “our imaginary friend.” :)

I think putting ourselves down is greatly supported by the general conditioning from our society that tells us not to stand out, not to feel overly confident in ourselves, not to be unique, and “follow our bliss.”

If you are yourself, you are confident and dare to live your life according to your own definition. You will be challenging other people just by your presence to do the same and not everybody will be comfortable with that. I have personally experienced this. It can be easier at times to play your excellence down and question or criticize yourself to fit in. Because after all, everyone wants to be loved, to belong, and to be accepted by someone, right?

You must have heard this statement at some point in your life, “Who do you think you are?” or “Why do you think you are special?” There are other versions of this, but you are getting the drift. The point I’m making here is when we hear something too often, we end up believing it, even if it isn’t so. After awhile, we see it as truth and start functioning from it.

There is a great example from the movie “Pretty Woman.” In the scene where Richard Gere and Julia Roberts are in bed, talking and sharing stories about their lives, he tells her how special and great he thinks she is and how come she doesn’t see that. Julia Roberts’s replies: “It is always easier to believe the bad stuff about yourself.” Is it ringing a bell for you?

So my intention here is to help you:

• recognize when you have an overly active inner critic, to the point it is becoming a distraction and a sabotaging tool in you life,
• to show you the ways to utilize healthy inner critic’s attributions to your advantage, and
• ways to silence the distractive part of it and bring yourself into more balance.

What are the symptoms of an overly active inner critic?

• Always questioning yourself.
• Not believing in your talents and God given gifts.
• Not utilizing your gifts fully.
• Always second guessing your work and your life.
• Having a hard time making decisions that are right for you.
• Checking with everyone around you to make sure they agree with your decisions, or asking someone to make decisions for you.
• Not trusting yourself and your gut feelings.
• Having negative thoughts often.
• Saying critical things about yourself regularly.
• Feeling stuck and unable to move forward because of fear or anxiety about how others will view you.
• lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.
• Not feeling deserving of anything great in life (money, vacation, self-nurturing, great partner, thriving business, etc.).
• Always comparing yourself to others and feeling down as a result of it.
• Constant lack of energy.
• Lack of motivation and drive in life.
• Settling for less than the best.

Most of us experience some of these symptoms at one time or another. After all, we are human, we are here to learn and evolve, and as I always say, “We are perfect with our imperfections.” However, if after looking at this list you can identify with most of the symptoms on a regular basis, then it may be time to look into taming your inner critic, so it doesn’t get in the way of your life.

What can you do if your inner critic is taking over and it is time for it to take that long overdue break?

• Get to know your inner critic (and become familiar with it). Watch the situations in which you have the most tendencies to criticize yourself and make a mental note of them. What does your inner critic say? What triggers it? How long does it last? Is it easy for you to see it for what it is, or do you engage in it and further perpetuate the criticism? Is it information you can use constructively to move forward in your life? It usually is things we remain unconscious about that hold power over us and have a tendency to disempower us. So make friends with your inner critic.
• Lean to recognize when the information is coming from a place of empowerment and when it comes from a place of putting yourself down. If the thoughts and statements have a derogatory feel to them, they are coming from a place of putting yourself down and they won’t be of much value, other than to help you feel not so great about yourself. (Example: You never accomplish anything great, Who do you think you are, I never will be as good as…, I can’t express myself, etc.) If the inner critic within you is coming from a place of empowerment, you can gain some valid points to work with and turn them into your strengths. (Example: I see my communication skills could use some work. What can I do about that? How can I make that happen?) See the difference?It is all about your intention. If you intend to empower yourself with the way you think and talk about yourself, you will.
• Send your inner critic on vacation at least for a week.  Make a point to consciously not criticize yourself and put yourself down in any way at least for a week. When we abandon this type of behavior, we open up a space for other great things to come in. So try it and see how your life will change for the better. I promise.
• Learn to interrupt your negative criticizing thoughts and words. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you still may find yourself slipping into the old pattern of thinking or talking about yourself in less than favorable ways. It is a great thing at these times to not judge yourself and learn to interrupt the behavior. One of the ways that works great for me is I start singing right as I catch myself doing it. Whatever comes to mind, even la la la la works. It is one of the most effective tools so far and I have a few. So play with what works for you.
• Celebrate your accomplishments however small. Sometimes in the big scheme of things, it is easy to overlook the accomplishments we made because to us they are no big deal. I always say that it is useful to have someone there to remind you from time to time how great you are and how far you have come. So learn to embrace, acknowledge, and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter what their size.
• Learn to acknowledge your positive qualities on day-to-day basis. Everybody is good at something and has positive qualities. So how about from now on you make a point to acknowledge your positive qualities every day? One great way to do that is every day, when you wake up or before you go to bed, say in the mirror five things or qualities you like about yourself. If you are not used to embracing yourself, this may be challenging; however, if you keep doing it, after awhile it starts feeling great and it will build your self-confidence. Try it and see where it takes you.

So there you have it. Put it to work and let me know how it goes. I would love to hear from you. :)