Sharing Stress

An intriguing question was posed at a symposium for high-level business and corporate leaders last week. "How much of your stress is appropriate to share with your spouse?" By the nodding heads in the room, I could see that this was a widely-spread concern.

Each of us carries stress in different ways. Some carry it in our heads, never seeming to relax, always searching for that next solution, worrying constantly, never quite present and often distant. What do these people miss by not inviting others in?

Others carry stress in their bodies. These executives are often sick or complain of chronic physical ailments. Their strength and posture weakens through the years. This martyrdom method shows very little wisdom to deal with stress.

And there are those of us who carry our stress externally. We want everyone within listening distance to feel the pain of our stress. This burdensome sharing doesn't stop with coworkers; it continues to the gym, social situations and, of course, the spouse and family.

It is important to open up about the stresses of the day. Several keys exist to effectively release worry in a manner that will not tax your relationships. Here are five:

Permission: Always be sure you can share your stress with their permission. Respect that others have their bucket full. Ask them if they are willing to listen. Watch their reactions. Never assume, even in casual situations.

Timing: If you come home each evening with a litany of your day's woes and your partner is equally stressed, what will this do to your relationship? Be sensitive to times of the day that are appropriate for such important interactions.

TMI: Know when enough is enough. In providing too much information, you loose the listener's interest and perhaps crucial feedback. Give minimal details, and then open the dialogue to questions, comments and opinions.

Venting: Some of us merely need to vent. If this is the case, say so. You may be done, relieved, and ready to move on while the receiver readies himself to problem solve and takes offense at not having the opportunity to do so.

Responsibility: Own your stress. It belongs to no one else. There are people and activities to help you deal with it, but in the end, you are the only one who can come up with the cure, be it physical, mental or spiritual.

In order to answer the question of "How much of my stress is appropriate to share with my spouse:": ask for their permission to share, watch your timing, provide only pertinent information, let him know if you are merely venting, and that it is your responsibility, not theirs to find a solution.

See what there is to learn about your stress this week. Ask for feedback in your previous sharing. It is too much? Not enough? Can you recognize the effects you face for sharing or not sharing appropriately? Watch those whom you respect. Ask them how they share their stress and with whom. There is much to learn in this area. If you want to be a successful business or corporate leader, learning to sharing stress appropriately is one part of your success.

Enjoy your discoveries and have an outstanding week.