The Do-It-Yourself Sales Letter Makeover

For years, my most popular business service has been taking
sales letters that aren't getting results and remaking them
so that inquiries and orders pour in. At the risk of
starving this cash cow, I'm going to reveal the mental
checklist I use that accounts for a high percentage of the
improvements I introduce. Ask this set of questions about
your sales letter before you finalize it, and you'll be able
to swell a trickle of response into a steady stream of
profit.

* Do you let the reader know in the first paragraph why
you're writing, and provide a reason to read on? Your
recipient digs into the letter with the question, "What's in
this for me?" An opening like "We are pleased to announce,"
for instance, usually provokes a "So What?" Instead, put
yourself in the shoes of your reader, formulate your main
point from that perspective and try leading off with it:
"Until September 22, 1998 you have the chance to become one
of only 2,346 people in the universe to own mineral-rich
real estate on Asteroid A-17."

You can also satisfy this imperative with a provocative,
topic-specific headline in big type above the date and
salutation of the letter. For instance, I once headed a
three-page letter about a publicity consulting program,
"Finally, Fame and Fortune are Within Your Reach!"

* Do you provide a clear and compelling offer, or a specific
action that you are asking the reader to take? An offer
means something like, "For only $29.95 you can have
unlimited use of our health club for one month, along with a
one-hour private session with one of our certified fitness
trainers." At the very least, explicitly tell readers what
action you would like them to take now, such as "Please
return the enclosed prepaid postcard to let us know about
your future landscaping needs."

* Do you explicitly describe the strong points of your
offering? I found this copy in a car dealer's letter weak
and vague: "Check our prices. They're probably better than
you think. We guarantee they're competitive." I recommended
changing that to "We'll match any competitor's price for an
oil and filter change for your car." In my first look at a
sales letter, I usually circle murky words and phrases all
over the place and write, "What do you mean by this?" "And
by this?" "And this?" Replace each generic, wishy-washy
expression with more precise wording.

* Have you taken into account the fact that the reader may
be receiving many competing offers and enumerated the
principal advantages of your product or service? When a
business-opportunity dealer wrote, "I learned the pitfalls
of mail order the hard way. I bought many, many worthless
programs," I urged him to reveal the dollar amount he'd
wasted before finding the program that enabled him to turn a
profit for the first time, and to elaborate on what made
those programs worthless. Use this formula if you have
difficulty putting your advantages into words: "Unlike other
XXXs, we..." For instance, "Unlike larger law firms, at BB&G
you deal consistently with the partners, knowledgeable
experts who always return phone calls within 48 hours."

* Have you addressed and disarmed the most common fear,
misgiving or concern prospects might have about buying from
you? There's always a natural uncertainty about buying from
a stranger. Guarantees help, as do testimonials from
satisfied customers and lists of large organizations that
you've served. These don't always have to appear in the
letter itself, as in: "If this sounds too good to be true,
I'll happily supply you with the names and telephone numbers
of dealers in your state who have secured their future with
our plan."

* Do you use a "P.S." to provide a compelling reason for the
reader to act now? Studies show that a postscript gets read
more often than any other portion of a letter. Word your
"P.S." so that it makes sense if it's read first, and
include an incentive for acting fast, as in, "Remember, we
have only thirty-one of these slightly damaged, fully
functional metronomes left at 80 percent off, so place your
order today!"

For additional do's and don'ts, collect and study especially
impressive or awful letters that come in your mail. My
"sample sales letter" file measures almost three inches
thick!