Controlling Jealousy - Why It Is Vital
Jealousy is common in relationships. And it even proved to be beneficial in many cases. But excessive amount of it can be lethal. So, what is the best method for controlling jealousy?
Controlling jealousy is vital. Although it is common, excessive degree of jealousy can be lethal to every relationship. Why? Because jealousy, if you don't deal with it right, will turn you into the one that always puts the worst spin on everything that happens between you and your partner.
Instead of thinking that his cellphone battery might be out of power when you can not reach him, you may think that he intentionally turned it off because another woman is with him. Or, instead of thinking that he might be trapped in a traffic jam when he came home late after work, you may think that he spent the hours with his young secretary in a pub.
Indeed, the call for jealousy as a green-eyed monster is not without reason. Unless you put a tight grip on it, it can be detrimental to your life.
Jealousy can make you behave in very annoying ways. You may not realize it, but you can be very interrogative to your partner if jealousy has overwhelmed you.
Over-jealousy can also make you prying on his wallet or sniffing his shirts abruptly. It can even make you stalking him "to find evidence" to justify your jealousy. Indeed, you can become very controlling if you don't deal with your jealousy in the right way.
You may feel that you have every right to all do that because, although there is no proof that supports it, somehow you feel that your jealousy is right, while in fact it is totally baseless. (That's another reason why controlling jealousy is very important, before it becomes too big and too difficult to handle).
Before it is too late, know this: if you behave like that, instead of ensuring your partner's company, you will make him become more distant to you. If things go on and on that way, he may even leave you if he feels that it is the only thing he can do free himself from your control and to regain his independence.
If you find yourself always feel suspicious and jealous to your partner - without any real evidence to backup your suspicion/jealousy - then you should stop for a while and do some self-reflection. Controlling jealousy needs you to first acknowledge your own problems.
You feel jealous because you are afraid of losing your partner's feeling and attention to you. That's the real reason behind your controlling behavior. By controlling, subconsciously you think you will be able to make sure that he will never leave you.
But facts show that, it is exactly the controlling behavior that usually be the cause of the infidelity later. The more you try to control your partner, the more he will distant himself from you. It is the normal pattern found among people when they are dealing with someone that they feel is trying to control or take over their independence.
Then, this will be like a vicious cycle: the more he hides things from you, the more controlling you will be in your effort to ensure his loyalty. And of course this will result in him being even more secretive. If you don't try to break this vicious cycle by controlling jealousy, you'll end up finding that your relationship has deteriorated to the extent that it can no longer be repairable.
Realize this: your over-jealousy will never do anything good for your relationship. The root of jealousy is always fear. And the cause of that kind of fear is usually low self-esteem and bad self-image.
So, don't take it lightly. Overcome your jealousy now before it can do too much damage to your valuable relationship. But first, deal with your low self-esteem and bad self-image. After that, controlling jealousy will no longer be a problem for you.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Excerpt from Controlling Jealousy.
The author is a marriage and relationship counselor. He is also the founder of Relationship Advice for All, a place where people can get free, quality advice for their relationship problems.