Gordon Chandler

Stop Blaming Each Other...Rebuild Your Love Relationship With Communication As A Foundation

Man or woman, young or old, we all have had problems with the relationship created when we fall in love.  Many couples choose to just argue and breakup when they easily can take this opportunity to strengthen their love to endure for a long time.  Acceptance, forgiveness and the desire to learn to communicate will get you started.

There probably is not a relationship between man and woman that at one time or another does not fun into trouble.  This trouble could start over something as small as the color shirt the guy wears on a date, or as large as a cheating episode involving either party.  What happens next probably determines where the relationship will end up.  Of course many of them end up in a “break-up”, a wonderful term signifying that girls and boys can no longer play well together and need an emotional “time-out”. This opens up the era (hopefully a short one!) when friends and families assist the wounded parties with all the advice, innuendos and insults that could possibly be dragged from the pits of previous arguments.

Conversations occur wanting to know why the shirt had to be red instead of the green one the boyfriend wore.  People will talk about how the ladies actions caused her “fella” to resort to chasing those bikini clad women at the beach instead of helping her pick out a wedding dress (really dumb conversation; don’t you agree?)  And of course we can’t leave out the mothers and fathers taking their own child’s side; declaring that “Henry” or “Mabel” (actual identities withheld to protect the real combatants) never was good enough for their little darlings.  Needless to say those with the most advice have always had perfect love relationships and know exactly what they are talking about, right? 

Of course the nasty enemy BLAME must be placed in someone’s lap during this time.  Conversations abound over coffee, lunches or beers after work which direct BLAME to the “other” party in the love life.  This is when the maturity of the loving couple will rise to the occasion and place blame (small letters to indicate blame is such a small word!) on themselves.  That is right…if you and your lover have just placed your relationship into the “break-up” mode there is nobody to blame but YOURSELF!  That’s right.  Boyfriend you are to blame for your actions and, girlfriend you are to blame for yours.  Once you understand that there will be no more crying over spilled milk and you can get on about repairing the little love fest that originally brought you together.

Well now that we have that little tirade out of the way it’s time for a decision.  When the two love-birds met they absolutely adored each other.  Problems became apparent when the lovers learned to relax a bit around each other and the dating “veneer” wore a bit thin.  With this new transparency many things that were previously accepted now rub the wrong way and tempers flare.  That must be over…the decision must be whether you still have love for your sweetheart and want to get back together.  Accept the answer and you may find that making up from that terrible old break-up is not as hard as people want to portray it.

The very first thing that must be done after making this decision is….Stop The Fighting!  Many people tell you that making up is impossible without communication. However there is absolutely no room for communication if fighting of any sort still occurs.  Yelling, screaming or negative talk will not possibly yield any positive results.  If you are able to establish a foundation with civility and respect then you are on your way to being able to communicate. Properly laid, this foundation will help cease the battles and open this loving couple up to positive communication that is their next step in reclaiming that lost love.  Now we go looking for ideas about rehabilitating love through communication.

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