Strengthening Tip 3 to Achieving a Loving Relationship, Part 3 of 4
Chemistry may have been what originally attracted you to your partner and may have been the starter to your loving relationship. Communication, however, is what keeps the bond strong and what sustains...
Chemistry may have been what originally attracted you to your partner and may have been the starter to your loving relationship. Communication, however, is what keeps the bond strong and what sustains the relationship over decades.
Our relationship tip number 3 is: Never stop communicating
By far one of the most important ingredients to any loving relationship is good communication. Couples who communicate and continue to work on their communication style have healthy relationships. It is when couples stop communicating that they also stop to relate to each other. And when communication and relating to each other stops, stress can rip the relationship apart because the bond of togetherness is no longer there. Couples who communicate can face anything together because there is mutual trust.
Here are some additional tips that may assist in your continual communication with each other.
What are your partner's emotional needs?
Everyone receives information different. Some prefer sight over sound and some prefer touch. Most likely, your partner's emotional, non-verbal cues are different from yours. Do you know what your partner's cues are? Take some time to get to know your partner on this level. Ask questions, watch him or her and really study your partner. Not to become critical of your partner, but because you genuinely want to get to know your partner. For example, one partner may respond to stress by wanting to be physically touched after a long, hard day at work. The other partner, however, may just want to talk about their day over a cup of tea. It is important that you speak your partner's language and communicate to them in their language so they feel understood and supported.
What are your partner's non-verbal cues?
Everyone communicates differently. Non-verbal cues such as physical touching, eye contact, leaning forward or back, folding arms over the chest - are all non-verbal ways of communicating something.
Do you know your partner's non-verbal cues? In order for loving relationships to work both people need to be aware of the other person's non-verbal communication style. It's important to be able to be receptive to your partner's specific non-verbal language style.
What does it mean if your partner touches your arm while they are talking about their day? Are they non-verbally saying "I need you to hold me while I'm sharing this with you?" Or are they simply saying "It feels good to be able to talk to you about this?"
It's not only important to learn your partner's non-verbal communication style. It's also important to watch and learn about your own non-verbal communication style. What are you really saying when you are folding your arms across your chest? Are you saying "I need to protect myself from you" or are you just not sure where to place your arms? Knowing yourself helps your partner get to know you much better also.
Stay consistent with your non-verbal communication style. It's important that what you communicate non-verbally is also congruent with how you are really feeling. In other words, don't say "I'm fine" while biting your tongue and thinking up ways of taking revenge. Such contradiction will surely put a wedge in your relationship.
And lastly, question your assumptions. If you've know each other for a while, it's easy to just assume that this means this and that means that about your partner. Don't do this, don't fall into this trap. Instead, look at your partner with a fresh pair of eyes every day, every moment. Even if your partner is predictable, question your assumptions by asking your partner questions. Let him tell you what his non-verbal cue means instead of assuming.
As a final freebie tip here, make sure you are relaxed when you talk to your partner about his or her non-verbal communication style. Nothing will get you into a fight as fast as when you are stressed and present your question in an offensive type of way, which may leave your partner no choice but to defend himself. So do your best to be relaxed and non-judgmental before taking on non-verbal cues with your partner.
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