If you are the divorced parent who bears the majority of the responsibility of the children on a day-in, day-out basis, when they go spend a fun weekend with their other parent, and they come home full of fun and games, don't let your resentment spill over as guilt on them. They deserve better from you.
My daughters sometimes came home laughing and lighthearted after a weekend visit with their mom. I would listen to them cavorting, and while I was happy for them that they'd enjoyed their time with her, until after my therapy work, I used to fuss and cluck inside my own head about it. "Oh sure, go and have fun while I'm stuck here with laundry and house cleaning." "She doesn't have to make them toe the line for anything. All they do is have fun visiting her." "I wish our times together were just fun and laughter, but no, I'm the one who has to make them get their homework done, or do the dishes after supper when they want to whine."
I know, I know, it was a pity party and I had a small violin to accompany myself too. :) I'm pretty sure there were a few times when those nasty thought oozed from my mind right out the front of my face, but I know for the most part, I tried to keep them to myself.
You may wonder why it's not a good idea to indulge in that kind of thinking because you know you do it too? Well, I have several good reasons.
1) I needed to grow up. You probably do too. What possible good can come from laying this one all over your kids' good time? Nothing. You just add guilt.
2) My daughters didn't know what I was going through emotionally, and they did not need to know right then. There's a time for everything, and that was not good timing.
3) Kids deserve to have lighthearted, simple joy in their lives. They need to be "in the moment" and when the moment is filled with joy, well, why would you want to disturb that?
4) The reasons for the divorce had nothing to do with your children. Don't lay your work off on to them. If you struggle with their joy, go get some help to restore the joy to your own life so you can have those joy-filled moments with them too. It's your right to joy as much as it is theirs.
5) The maturity to keep your problems to yourself and not share them with your kids provides a life-long benefit to your children. They might assume those problems as theirs to solve, and you wouldn't want to place that burden on them. You can confide in your friends if you need to sound it out, and that way your kids will grow up in due time without your bummer emotions.
Affordable Support for Divorcees: Virtual Recovery Communities
The aftermath of a divorce can be a tumultuous time, filled with self-doubt and fear. However, many individuals who have gone through this process have found it to be a catalyst for positive change, leading them to discover their true selves and even find their soul mates. Virtual recovery communities can provide invaluable support during this challenging period.
Can Mediation Work For You In Lieu Of Divorce
If you are about to get a divorce, I want you let you know that mediation might be a great alternative to that divorce for you. You won't have to hire an attorney and the outcome can be just as effective.
Understanding Your Divorce ' Use a Journal
Divorce emotions are hard enough one time, so you want to do everything you can not to repeat the same mistakes. Even if it looks like your ex is the one who made mistakes, it did take two to tango. If you journal about the divorce, you will discover your role and not make the same mistake twice.
