Len Stauffenger

Expectations are Everything

We all want to be happy. Divorce and happy sometimes don't seem to go together. Actually, though, you can control happiness if you'll watch your expectations.

When you're divorced, your topsey turvey life isn't the picture of happiness you had dreamed of. How can you make that happen though? You need to look at the definition you've created called "happiness." If it's about a perfect marriage and a white picket fence, you won't ever get there. You need more realism.

We have to be realistic. Now that you have gotten a divorce, who you once saw yourself as is changed forever. If you talk to someone that is truly happy you will find that they have realistic expectations. Being married can make you very happy or very miserable depending upon who you are married to. If you think your shot at happiness is over because you are now divorced, you are wrong. You need to have realistic expectations.

When I saw you need to have realistic expectations, I don't mean that you have to lower your standards. If you believe that having a family will make you happy, don't tell yourself, "it will never happen, or , "I've already had my chance." Try setting smaller goals. When you go through a huge life change, you need to take things a little slower. Maybe even day by day. Set your expectations a little lower for now. Say to your Self: I have a great family; I have my kids, my parents, etc." Don't expect that your pain from the divorce and all that goes with it will disappear in a day or a week or a month.

Have an "attitude of gratitude." It may sound cliché but take a look around and really examine what you do have. So you aren't married anymore, be thankful for what's there and who's there.

You now have one less person to think about, (your ex), so take all that extra time that you would have spent on that person and spread it around to those you are thankful for.

Be positive. If you'll affirm that everything will work out alright, it will. Tell yourself things are awful and will never get better, and they won't. Whatever your internal monologue is telling you, it will come true. Make short term goals that you can achieve to get through this tough time and when you see what you are capable of, it will reinforce the positive thinking.

Everything is temporary. The upset divorce can cause will fade and your new life can be a lot more joyous. Then the joy will pass because something else painful will come up. That's the beauty of life. Not knowing what will happen, but expecting that things will work out in the end! And have you noticed that, in the end, most of your expectations appear, so it's most wise to expect happiness. It's a great way to control being happy in your life.

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