In your single parenting experience, have you been inadvertently placing a burden on your children by turning them into information seekers or messengers between you and your ex? It's unfair to foist that job off on them. Summon up some courage and consider doing it yourself.
It's such a challenge, single parenting. You're all alone out there and doing the work of you and your ex. It's just not easy. Your ex, meanwhile, looks like she's enjoying the real life: she's only got the kids for a while on the weekends; doesn't have to help with homework; no laundry to wash; and now, she's got a new boyfriend! Swell. Don't you wish you knew some juicy stuff about him so you could fuel your emotional flames?
Who might you think would be the very best person to discover this information for you? Your kids. NOT NOT NOT!!! Could you tell I'm really against the idea of using your children to ferret out information that you want about their other parents?
It is a terrible thing to do to your children when you ask them to spy for you on their other parent. You hide your own lack of courage behind asking your kids to find out when you do this. You might couch your questions innocently enough, but they can feel in their hearts that you are prying. If they go to mommy and ask your questions, then she gets mad at them. And if they don't have answers to your questions when they come home, then you get mad at them.
Stop a minute here and let's assume an attitude of maturity. Who wants to know? You do. So who should do the asking? You should. It's a horrible idea to place your kids in this uncomfortable information-carrying position. It hurts them emotionally and you don't want to do that, do you?
If you place your child emotionally between the two of you, it makes him uncomfortable, and it begins to grow a sense about you inside him that is not loving. This unloving sense makes them think that by being in the middle that they had something to do with your divorce, and they didn't. They should not be burdened with solving your problems. Children weren't born to be cultivated as detectives or as intermediaries. They end up feeling disloyal to both of you. It's an ugly, emotional stew you're cooking up for your children.
As a single parent, you might consider that you really don't need to know so much about your ex's new life. If the information only serves to keep the flames burning inside you, why feed that fire? Discipline yourself to quit thinking you need to know all these details." See if you can live with that. Also, if you really want to be honest within yourself, summon up the courage that is in there just waiting to be exercised. Ask your ex yourself.
Affordable Support for Divorcees: Virtual Recovery Communities
The aftermath of a divorce can be a tumultuous time, filled with self-doubt and fear. However, many individuals who have gone through this process have found it to be a catalyst for positive change, leading them to discover their true selves and even find their soul mates. Virtual recovery communities can provide invaluable support during this challenging period.
Can Mediation Work For You In Lieu Of Divorce
If you are about to get a divorce, I want you let you know that mediation might be a great alternative to that divorce for you. You won't have to hire an attorney and the outcome can be just as effective.
Understanding Your Divorce ' Use a Journal
Divorce emotions are hard enough one time, so you want to do everything you can not to repeat the same mistakes. Even if it looks like your ex is the one who made mistakes, it did take two to tango. If you journal about the divorce, you will discover your role and not make the same mistake twice.
