Improve the intimacy in your marriage

After the newlywed years are gone and children come into the family or other large responsibilities take over your every day, it becomes easy to slip into a predictable and non-intimate routine with your spouse. Getting out of that routine and putting some "spark" back into the everyday can be a challenge. However, it's a challenge that's definitely worthwhile.

First, let's think simple. Make an effort each day to go out of your way to think of something you can do for your spouse. Something that lets them know you love them and are thinking of them in the midst of the busy work week. Intimacy includes everyday kindnesses such as a short sweet note in your spouse's lunch or coat pocket, making their favorite meal or treating them to a nice meal out, or even a treat hidden under their pillow and a massage after a long day. When you are both thinking of ways to let the other one know they are loved, both your needs get met and intimacy is achieved.

Second, date your spouse. Yes, I said "date." Just because you're married doesn't mean the courtship is over. Go out on planned dates. Make an effort to get a babysitter if needed or have a neighbor watch your kids. Some couples are even willing to swap date nights. Your neighbor watches your children one night then you watch their children the next night or weekend. This technique also saves a lot of money on paying formal babysitters. Also, by making dates with your spouse you are showing each other your marriage is a priority. Your children will also benefit from seeing and knowing their parents love each other and make time to spend with one another. So, go on a date and pretend you just met. Try to "pick up" your spouse. It could bring a lot of laughs and a lot of memories. Go to a thrift store and pick out retro or fun outfits and wear them out to the movies or dinner. Go hiking or on a picnic at the park. Go fishing or take turns doing what the other person really enjoys.

Third, remember to make love often. The more you make love the more often you'll want to and try to find moments of alone time together. Make it fun and sexy. Think of new ways to make it romantic such as lighting candles, buying new lingerie or finding new rooms or places in the house to make love. The "sparks" will be flying! Talk with each other about what you like most about making love and maybe even share some thoughts about new things you'd like to try.

Achieving marital intimacy can be considered easy if you think of it this way: Always be thinking of the other person's needs. When this continuous act of selflessness is committed to by two people who care about each other, then real intimacy comes effortlessly.