Shakespeare’s words speak a profound truth when it comes to Estate Planning and ultimately, Estate Settlements. Accordingly, preventing problems (‘an ounce of prevention’) is worth much more than trying to solve them (‘is worth a pound of cure’). When I tell people the name of my book, THE SETTLEMENT GAME: How to Settle an Estate Peacefully and Fairly, the immediate response I often receive is an expressive ‘roll of the eyes’ and then a comment like “Already been through it – too late for me – wish we’d had that a couple of years ago. I have two sisters who still aren’t speaking to each other.”
Sound familiar? Then read the following story very carefully. It could make a huge difference to your children someday. One day when The Settlement Game was first being introduced at the Atlanta Merchandise Mart, a woman stopped by and picked up the book. She read the comments on the back and flipped through its pages. With a sad voice and a shake of her head, she said, “Been there, done that – wish we had had this when my parents died.” – She told about the friction and anger and problems they encountered. Then she flippantly said – “Oh well, I’ll buy one, - - maybe I can figure out what we did wrong.” She bought a book and went on her merry way.
The next morning as soon as the doors opened the same woman was standing in front of the table. With a rather somber look on her face she said: “I read your book last night.” (At this point I was wondering if she was going to give it back to me or throw it at me.) – Then she went on to say, “I know what we did wrong. I need four more copies of your book.” She proceeded to tell a story that has forever impacted the way in which The Settlement Game can be used to prevent problems - as well as help people get through them when they do arise. She explained that she had agonized over how to prevent her three children from having the same heartaches she had experienced when the day came for them to divide up the personal property in her estate. She said she had been trying to predetermine and divide everything ahead of time so that they would each receive an equal portion and so that there would be no fighting. However, she said she had finally realized that this was a futile effort – and she worried that she might even be creating some of the problems she was trying so hard to prevent.
Then with a relieved smile she said – “This book has solved my problem and I can finally relax over this. All I need to do is to put a copy of The Settlement Game in my safety deposit box with my will after I add a statement to it that designates this system as the means by which my children are to divide up all property not specifically named in my will. I will give the other three copies of the book to my three children with a personal message written inside to each. By altering my estate plan in this small way, I will finally be able to sleep soundly knowing that the system taught in this book will offer them a better chance of keeping peace in the family when they divide up all of the 'things' in the estate settlement. I want my children to be there for each other and to remain friends through life.”
So based on this story, you could say that Shakespeare's words are still true: Preventing problems would be much easier than trying to solve them later.
What is an Estate Plan?
There are many misunderstandings about Estate Plans and who should have them. Many people think that an estate means a large tract of land and great wealth and extensive personal property that is very valuable, such as vintage antiques and collectibles. Although this can be true, ‘estate’ does not mean the same to everyone. In a recent version of Webster’s Dictionary, there are three definitions for the word estate:
What Did James Brown and Anna Nicole Smith Have in Common?
Perhaps if both of them had followed the advice recommended in the following article, their estates could have been settled more quickly and easily. Obviously, they did NOT "Get their houses in order" soon enough. Don't cause your loved ones the agony of going through unnecessary struggles and heartbreak when faced with settling your own estate. All of us - and our children - must face this inevitable time of life some day.
How Well Do You Know Your Siblings? Better yet, How Well Do You Know Yourself?
There are only five senses, but countless ways of seeing things. “Personality Differences” often cause conflict in the division process of an estate settlement. Without understanding these differences, the process of keeping the peace and avoiding conflict will be much more difficult. From the book Positive Personality Profiles by Dr. Robert Rohm, there are four basic personality styles. Each style sees the world differently. Each style has both great strengths and several weaknesses. No two people are exactly alike. Therefore, every personality is really a blend of all four styles. Using the model of human behavior, there are two questions to ask about yourself or anyone you want to better understand:
