There are only five senses, but countless ways of seeing things. “Personality Differences” often cause conflict in the division process of an estate settlement. Without understanding these differences, the process of keeping the peace and avoiding conflict will be much more difficult. From the book Positive Personality Profiles by Dr. Robert Rohm, there are four basic personality styles. Each style sees the world differently. Each style has both great strengths and several weaknesses. No two people are exactly alike. Therefore, every personality is really a blend of all four styles. Using the model of human behavior, there are two questions to ask about yourself or anyone you want to better understand:
1. Which are you more like: A. Outgoing or B. Reserved
2. Which are you more interested in: A. People or B. Tasks Outgoing/Task-Oriented: “D” personality style (Dominant Style).
Basic traits are Dominant, Demanding, Direct, Determined, Decisive, Doer, Dictatorial, Dogmatic, Diligent, Dynamic and Defiant. They are goal-oriented, performance conscious, hard to please, self-confident, firm and industrious. They don’t like indecision, slow people, talkers who don’t produce, laziness, detailed activities, taking orders. Tips for communicating with “D” personality types are: Think in terms of “What” questions. Get to the main point. Focus on action-based results. Be brief and specific. Be confident. Overcome obstacles. Provide challenge rather than give orders. Outgoing/People-Oriented: “I” personality style (Inspiring Style). Basic traits are Inspirational, Influencing, Inducing, Impressive, Interesting, Impressionable, Interested in people, Imaginative, Impulsive, and Illogical. They are fun to watch, great starters/poor finishers, likable, prone to exaggerate, and easily excitable. They don’t like being ignored, being isolated, being ridiculed, repetitive tasks, detail work or long-term projects. Tips for communicating with “I” personality types are: Think in terms of “Who” questions. Let them express their ideas. Keep a friendly environment. Turn talk to action. Focus on their accomplishments. Provide compliments. Gently steer them back to business. Reserved/People-Oriented: “S” personality style (Supportive Style). Basic traits are Steady, Stable, Secure, Supportive, Servant’s Heart, Sweet, Submissive, Shy, Status-quo, Sentimental, Save everything, and Sameness. They are viewed as the sweetest people in the world. But, they are easily manipulated. They are loyal friends and team players. Although they are poor starters, they are great finishers. They don’t like insensitivity, to be yelled at, misunderstandings, sarcasm, surprises, or being pushed. Tips for communicating with the “S” personality type are: Think in terms of “How” questions. Be agreeable and non-threatening. Give them time to adjust to changes. Show appreciation. Provide follow-up support. Talk more slowly during stress – do not rush the conversation. Demonstrate sincerity. Reserved/Task-Oriented: “C” personality style (Cautious Style). Basic traits are Competent, Cognitive, Cautious, Careful, Calculating, Critical thinking, Compliance wanting, Conscientious, Correct, Consistent Conformist, and Cold. They are perfectionists, difficult to satisfy, logical, meticulous, self-sacrificing, and inquisitive. They don’t like mistakes, sudden changes, shoddy work, lack of preparation, unnecessary interruptions, or being criticized. Tips for communicating with the “C” personality style are: Think in terms of “Why” questions. Be specific on points of agreement. Avoid emotionalism. Check your facts. Show a “pro and con” balance sheet. Show how they fit in. Provide proof. Patiently welcome questions. Although every person is a unique creation, knowing the personality style of the people involved in an estate settlement will generally give clues as to how each person thinks and therefore how conflicts may be reduced. Each style sees the world in a different way. For example:“D’s” move quickly and make decisions quickly. They are impatient, and they will probably want to “boss” the process. They have a potential to “run-over” others, and unless they are aware and careful, they may hurt the feelings of others. However, “D’s” are the style least likely to hold a grudge after all is finished – no matter what happens. “I’s” are impatient, easily distracted, and easily bored. They like to talk about the work to be done but frequently do not show up for the chores involved in the estate settlement process. They may agree to something and then not follow through. Other heirs may be upset, because they do not feel that the “I” has done his or her part. “S’s” are easygoing and hate conflict. “S’s” will generally agree to do more than their share, and other heirs may try to take advantage of them. Their spouse may be anxious to make sure that they get their fair share. In addition, “S’s” will probably be the most sentimental heirs. “C’s” are organized and perfectionistic. They will generally be critical of how others handle things. They want things done the “right” way. Many times their idea of the “right” way conflicts with the “right” way ideas of others. “C’s” may want the process to go slower than other heirs. A knowledge of personality styles can help you to understand other heirs more fully and to see potential problems before they arise. Some people tend to assume other family members view the world the same as they do, and thereby hurt feelings of others without knowing they have done so. Others are sensitive about issues that some don’t even realize exist. As a result, they keep quiet in order to “Keep the peace.” A simple explanation of their feelings would redirect the process and prevent resentment from surfacing later. Even a basic understanding of personality styles and an understanding of the factors that pertain to each would make a tremendous difference in how people deal with these issues. Perhaps Robert Rohm explains this best himself: “If I understand you and you understand me, doesn’t it stand to reason that we will be in a position to have a better relationship?”
What is an Estate Plan?
There are many misunderstandings about Estate Plans and who should have them. Many people think that an estate means a large tract of land and great wealth and extensive personal property that is very valuable, such as vintage antiques and collectibles. Although this can be true, ‘estate’ does not mean the same to everyone. In a recent version of Webster’s Dictionary, there are three definitions for the word estate:
What Did James Brown and Anna Nicole Smith Have in Common?
Perhaps if both of them had followed the advice recommended in the following article, their estates could have been settled more quickly and easily. Obviously, they did NOT "Get their houses in order" soon enough. Don't cause your loved ones the agony of going through unnecessary struggles and heartbreak when faced with settling your own estate. All of us - and our children - must face this inevitable time of life some day.
In Estate Planning – An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure
Shakespeare’s words speak a profound truth when it comes to Estate Planning and ultimately, Estate Settlements. Accordingly, preventing problems (‘an ounce of prevention’) is worth much more than trying to solve them (‘is worth a pound of cure’). When I tell people the name of my book, THE SETTLEMENT GAME: How to Settle an Estate Peacefully and Fairly, the immediate response I often receive is an expressive ‘roll of the eyes’ and then a comment like “Already been through it – too late for me – wish we’d had that a couple of years ago. I have two sisters who still aren’t speaking to each other.”
