Relationships require hard work to begin with, and when you add adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) to the mix things only become more complicated. Here are a few tips that you can use in your relationship to help keep your ADD from causing excess stress and problems.
Copyright (c) 2007 Jennifer Koretsky
I've seen some interesting news articles recently about adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and the increased stress that it causes in romantic relationships. If you or your partner has ADD, then you know how very true that is!
Relationships require hard work to begin with, and when you add adult ADD to the mix things only become more complicated.
Here are a few tips that you can use in your relationship to help keep your ADD from causing excess stress and problems. We use these strategies in my house, so my non-ADD partner and I have tested and approved each of these tips!
Power Hours Help Create Balance
Rather than stressing about all the household chores, try using "power hours." When the house is a mess and it's driving you nuts, set a timer for an hour, split up, and do as much cleaning and organizing as you can. On the weekend, when there is more to be done and more time to do it, set the timer for a couple of hours. Once the time is up, relax! Don't be tempted to keep going. Pat yourselves on the back for accomplishing what you did and then enjoy some down time together.
Use the AIS Rule
There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond in which Ray became frustrated with Deborah's chronic lateness. He declared an AIS (A$$ in Seat) time; if your a$$ is not sitting in the car by this time, I'm leaving without you!
Now, I don't advocate leaving without your partner, but I do think that AIS times are very helpful for ADDers. If you and your partner have a dinner date, then your AIS time is the absolute latest time that your a$$ need to be in the car in order to get to the restaurant on time for your reservation. You can then work backwards from the the AIS time to determine how much time you need to get ready, and what you may or may not have time to do before you leave.
It's best to let the non-ADD partner (if there is one) set the AIS!
Take Care of Yourself
Your ADD (and thus your impulsivity, irritability, disorganization, etc.) becomes more challenging when your stress levels are high. When your stress levels are high, your ADD is worse, your partner becomes more annoyed, and your relationship suffers.
Recognize the fact that when you put yourself first, get your own needs met, and allow yourself time to relax, your relationship benefits. This applies to both ADD and non-ADD partners.
Relationships, like individuals, are always a work in progress. Small, positive steps can have tremendously positive effects.
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