Keep Infertility From Ruining Your Friendship: Tell Your Friend You're Pregnant

For most women, coming to the realization that you are going to be a mother is exciting. Perhaps you planned this pregnancy or maybe you were surprised. Whatever the case, you may be faced with the difficult task of breaking the news to a friend who is struggling with infertility. If you find yourself in this situation, it is imperative to think before you speak to avoid causing unnecessary hurt to your friend. Taking the time to think through your words and actions will likely strengthen your friendship in the long run.

Before you tell your friend about the wondrous new life living within you, consider the fact that she may not be immediately happy for you. Oh, she may be thrilled for you but that will likely be overshadowed by the intense pain she feels as she deals with infertility. Even if you struggled to conceive, it is important to remember that she is still dealing with the ramifications of an empty womb. In a nutshell: be sensitive.

There is some debate about how you should break the news to your friend. A lot of this depends on how close you are to this friend. Have you been friends since you were children? Are you family members? Have you been close for a long time? Does she know how much you care for her outside of this news? All of these factors play a big role in how and when you tell your friend that you are pregnant.

If you are very close to your friend, find some time when the two of you can talk alone. Take her out for a cup of coffee, ask her to join you for dinner or spend a few hours together at the mall. Whatever you do, do not tell her in front of other friends, and do not let her hear it from the rumor mill. Respect her struggle with infertility enough to tell her gently (but directly) and give her time to process the information before the rest of your friends are made aware. Let her know that you understand (and you should) if she needs a little space or time to come to grips with this. Reassure her that she is still important in your life, but that you will only talk about the baby, as she is comfortable.

The most important thing you can do is respect the emotions and genuine pain that your friend may feel. All women are different, so your news may or may not affect your friends the same. Taking care to offer a listening ear and mutual respect will not only help to preserve your friendship, but may eventually enable the two of you to be closer as you walk this path of life together.