The Single Guy: A guide to clean carpets and converting your love prospects

There are some things in life that are certain, one being death.

Another almost certainty is that single guys are simply incapable of looking after themselves and the state of their homes.

Gentlemen, no matter how good looking you are, there will be a point in time when you bring a young lady into your home to "prospect". Don't undo a world of work simply because your carpets look like soot covered cotton wool covered in pizza grease and coffee stains. Your lady friend will not appreciate this and will almost certainly affect your chances of... well you know.

Here are some helpful tips from your friendly carpet cleaner pal to keeping the pad tidy and clean.

1. Be consistent and mechanical when it comes to dishes. Dishes are not difficult to clean if you do them straight away. You will be amazed at how much easier it is to clean a dish when the gravy or ketchup is still wet. Lets be honest, men don't cook roasts and grand meals so there are no major clean ups required. Keep on top of the plates and you will see how easy it is.
2. Spend money and buy a proper vacuum cleaner, good residential carpet cleaners being a Dyson or similar. Get an upright, not the tub version; the upright carpet cleaners have a bristle bar to beat the fluff out of the carpet. With a decent carpet cleaner your work will be halved.
3. Don't just stand there and watch the kettle boil. Get out the cloth and kitchen sprayer of choice and do a quick wipe down. This once a day for one minute will stop the build up of dirt.
4. Burn the left over pizza boxes on the BBQ, along with any other left over cardboard boxes you may have, namely something for the playstation or empty six pack holders. Your food requires a steady medium heat to cook; it doesn't say anything on how to get to that point. Have a pre BBQ bonfire.
5. Toilets, okay these are a pain to clean, and if you live in a home with carpeted toilets then best get them removed. Have some bleach within reaching distance. Don't just scrub the skid marks, scrub them with bleach, this ensures a two for one clean action.
6. Put a basket ball hoop above your dirty laundry basket, trust me... you'll be amazed.

Gentleman, keeping your carpets, kitchen and bathroom tidy and free of clutter is paramount to your success of wooing the ladies. Dance moves and sweet talk can make you; your stinky house will break you.