Wall Stickers - In Which The Acolyte Pleases The Master

The acolyte shivered as a gust sent snow up his robe but the Master looked as warm as he might in the departure lounge of any Mediterranean airport. The acolyte prostrated himself at the Masters feet and the Master laid a kindly hand on his head. “Did you get me those wall stickers?” he said.

The acolyte reached into his sack and pulled out a cardboard tube, the Master took the tube nodded and rose to his feet turning from the acolyte and disappearing into the grotto. The acolyte pulled his robe tightly around him and tried to curl into a small hollow of rock as the icy wind tore around the summit.

Three times had the acolyte journeyed forth and three times had he returned with the requested item. The first time it was a small amount of bark from a rare tree that only grew in the emperors garden and for that the acolyte had to use cunning and guile to befriend a serving girl and persuade her to let him in at night to scrape feverishly at the tree while mere feet away imperial guards lounged on their spears. It took weeks to return to the master with the bark and the acolyte was dismayed when the master tossed the small bag into a great pile of other small bags of bark with scarcely a backwards glance.

The second item the Master sent him to find was a special potion made in a far flung land from animal feed by men with fiery hair and rough skirts. For many years did the acolyte journey – across rough seas and through magical lands populated by the terrifying ‘French’ people till at last he had the rare drink in his possession and the rough skirted men had all his money. The master was well pleased this time and after drinking deep from the flask that contained the potion laughed and sang and cried and got a little bit aggressive before falling into a deep sleep. The acolyte sheltered in his accustomed spot to await his next task.

Could it be that now, having brought the wall sticker, the tasks would cease? Might the acolyte now be allowed to join the Master in his eyrie? The Master came out of the grotto and beckoned to the acolyte to follow him. Inside the grotto the master led the acolyte to the wall where the wall sticker had been applied and gestured to it “You see? You see how easily I put that up? It’s remarkable isn’t it? For the money there’s no better way of decorating a wall, it will last for years and if I change my mind I can just pull it off and it won’t hurt the wall!” The acolyte nodded reverently – it was easy to see how dramatic a transformation this simple self-adhesive vinyl wall sticker had made to the Masters home.

“Now then” said the Master as he pointed to the leather sofa in the IKEA catalogue “You’ll probably need some help with this one…”