5 Benefits of Using a Relationship Coach When You Are Having Relationship Problems
Considering the number of relationships that fail completely and your own personal history of dealing with relationship problems, is it time for you to consider hiring a relationship coach?
Here are 5 key benefits of using a relationship coach.
1. CREATING SPECIFIC GOALS. Your basic desires must be translated into specific terms. You know you want to have a better relationship, but that doesn't really give you guidance as to where to start. Imagine saying, "I want to paint a pretty painting." Or, "I don't want to paint an ugly painting." When you set your brush to the canvas, you will have to know what you want to paint or you won't be able to make a stroke. The key to finding out exactly what you want for your relationship is a professional relationship assessment. A professional assessment helps you to identify what is right for you. No one can tell you what is right for you, but a professional assessment can draw the answers out of you.
2. RECOGNITION OF COUNTERACTIVE BEHAVIORS AND BELIEFS. The reasons you don't have a good relationship are specific to you and the way you interact with your partner or past partners. Some people change relationships when they run into serious trouble because they think that will solve their problems. Then, they find in their next relationship that they have similar problems. Are they choosing their partners in a bad way? Or are they continuing some pattern of thinking and behaving which is recreating the same kinds of conflicts with their partners? Perhaps they are doing both. The way to be sure is to work with someone who has a little more perspective and experience with these patterns. We all have blind spots that we can't see that get in the way of almost everything that we do. We must work with someone who can see them and point them out to us if we are going to overcome them.
3. CORRECT GOAL SIZE. If your goals are too large, as are most people's, you will give up before you make significant progress. No one goes from A to Z in a single step. You can spend months in counseling trying to figure out why you can't go from A to Z (such as changing your career). Once you figure it out, though, you still won't be able to go from A to Z. You will need to go from A to C (such as revising your resume),or A to B (such as just revising the first part of your resume). The goal must be small enough to get you started and big enough to challenge you without overwhelming you. Your goals also must be achievable in a very short period of time. Relationship coaches help people to accomplish goals more quickly by finding goals that move their clients along, and keep them experiencing success--without burning out and quitting. You need to be a rolling stone and not a statue.
4. AVAILABILITY OF SUPPORT. It is easier to do everything with support--including doing the wrong things. When we are in a bad relationship or a relationship with bad problems, our partners are being supportive of our bad behaviors. And we, in turn, are supporting our partner's bad behaviors through our own codependent patterns. You need someone who will help to keep you motivated to do different things that are more constructive. It is hard to change, but it is easier when you have someone on your side. As you achieve your goals, you and your support partners can celebrate your victory together. Ongoing support is a major role of a relationship coach, also.
5. EXPERT GUIDANCE AND TRAINING. You know that communication is important, but do you know the most effective way to handle verbal attacks? To handle infidelity? To handle withdrawal? To counteract a poor self-image? You know that trust is important, but do you know how to restore trust when it is broken? Without doing further damage? If your appendix were inflamed, would you try to take it out yourself? Not if you value your life. The more valuable your relationship is to you, the more you will try to get expert help with your relationship problems.
In summary, if you continue to ignore your relationship issues or work on them in ineffective ways, then you are most likely to experience a deteriorating relationship, to have more and more frustration, and to burnout and quit (or experience your partner quitting). Most relationship problems become worse rather than better with the passage of time. When people attempt to work on them by themselves, they often just get worse faster because of increased conflict from ineffective methods.
However, if you get the professional help of a relationship coach, you will be able to specifically identify what you want, you will be able to identify which of your behaviors are getting in the way, you will be able to make the right size goals, you will have more successes more often, you will have ongoing support, and you can be sure that you are working on your relationship in a constructive way.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jack Ito PhD is a psychologist and relationship coach. He is a member of the International Coach Federation and since 1994 he has helped more than one thousand men and women to have better relationships. Coach Jack specializes in helping to build better relationships even when one partner is refusing to change, get help, or to work with their partner.
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