My Hubby's Buddy & My Buddy's Hubby
Do your partner's friends eventually become your backslapping buddies too or do you frantically look for your best running shoes each time they come home?
Do you get cold feet and dislike it when your lover's friends come over? Several couples feel jealous and uncomfortable when their partner spends too much time with friends and the reason is simple - they don't get along with them. But take a look at this couple. "I go shopping with Rose, have dinner with Kevin regularly and simply chill out with Mark and Aaron," shares 23-year-old homemaker Carol about her close pals, except that they started off being her husband's friends. "But now there is no differentiation between his friends and mine," she adds.
Carol's husband, Robert thinks of the marriage as a win-win situation and is glad that his wife doesn't throw tantrums about his friends. But unfortunately many couples these days don't have such picture perfect tales of friendships to narrate. Many times, tension brews between married couples if one doesn't get along with the other's friends.
"In several cases, over-possessiveness is the culprit. It is especially difficult to accept your partner's friends - particularly if they belong to the opposite sex because you don't want to share the person you love, with anybody else and therefore can't stand them. But this attitude, many would agree doesn't take a relationship too far.
Carolyn Smith couldn't agree better with the above statement. She was in a relationship till a year ago, but broke it off, "because my boyfriend had a problem if I stayed in touch with my friends, even the female ones. It got to a point when I had to break off all ties with my friends for years, and then I realised it was not worth it," she says.
On the other side of the spectrum are Cathy and Paul Bang who have made a conscious effort to get along with each other's friends. Initially, during their courtship period, each would take offense if the other went off on an all boys' guzzling evening or a girlie window-shopping spree. And eventually ended up disliking each other's friends. "But we realised that this was not working. Somebody had to break the pattern. We sat down and discussed the issue and decided that we'd both try and spend some time with each other's friends."
The result - they've both found pals in each other's friends that they can rely on. They also understand each other better through their friends. Couples have to keep in mind that if they marry someone they have to accept not just their better half but, also the family members and friends. It is almost like a package deal, you can't pick and choose and tell your spouse to stop seeing their friends just because you don't like them. In this day and age people would rather break off a relation rather than friendship.
Entering a marriage or a relationship doesn't mean that all other ties need to be severed. In fact, an easy friendship with your spouse's friends can add a lot of value to your relationship and to you as a person. One, you would be exposed to a wider circle of friends and two, you will know your partner better through his/her friends. So keep in mind the benefits of this and try to get to know your partner's friends better.
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