We worked together for about a year via ... Itwas a bit sad, but we both knew our work together ... - for now.As I ... on all the work she'd done and ... she'd made
We worked together for about a year via telephone. It was a bit sad, but we both knew our work together was complete - for now.
As I reflected on all the work she'd done and subsequent progress she'd made over the past year, it made me realize that real change in our lives usually doesn't happen quickly (unless you consider a year to be "quick").
She came into my life wanting to create more balance in her life, "get out of ruts," become more adventurous and create a brighter financial picture.
We began meeting each week. Initially, she was a classic multi-tasking, work-all-day, priority-list-checking, baby boomer who - at the end of a long, productive day - found herself saying simply:
"So what. I got everything done on my list, but so what. Is this it?"
Yes, she got a lot done. And like many of us, there was a deeper, wiser part of her who knew life is not *just* about doing.
It's also about be-ing.
I wondered what she was be-ing . . .
as she went about her days . . .
do-ing . . .
do-ing . . .
do-ing . . .
and still more do-ing.
As our work progressed, we discovered what WAS behind all her doing. We found out what she was BE-ING behind all her doing.
Here's what it was.
In a word.
Survival.
Like so many of us, as a young child she learned a belief that said "I'm not good enough." And to be "good enough," to get by in life, to SURVIVE, she decided she had to DO all the stuff she was doing. I say she "decided," but the reality is she wasn't even aware she'd made that decision.
Her life was driven by shoulds.
Her life was driven by survival.
I remember a comment she made to me once. She said:
"Anyway, some how I ended up with extremely high standards for myself that I don't seem to live up to."
As you read these words, it may seem as though she was somewhat dysfunctional. In fact, she wasn't. At all.
She was quite successful. She was (and is) a wonderful mother, a successful small business owner, very well read, self-aware, incredibly bright and pleasant.
Her life was full - too full.
Yet her heart was empty - yearning for more of the richness of life. Yearning to express the fullness and depth of who she really was.
Who she really was (is) . . .
Having gotten to the bottom of her survival-based patterns, we turned our attention to just that - the truth of who she really was.
We began this part of our work around the 5th week of our journey together. To do this, we started by looking at times in her life when she felt most alive and most in love with life. We looked at what she was doing during those times.
More importantly, we looked at what she was being. We peeled back the layers of doing, in search of just the right words to capture the passion, joy and lust for life, which had become shrouded by years being not good enough.
I remember the initial strain we both felt as we worked to come up with just the right words, just the right statement to capture the depths of her soul in full bloom.
We were trying to capture it. That was our problem. That was the reason for our strain. Trying to capture your essence is a bit like trying to attain enlightenment.
The Zen master teaches the moment you reach for enlightenment is the very moment it slips away from you. In the words of Zen-master-like, movie character Bagger Vance, "you've got to let it find you."
I requested we take a more playful approach to out task. I asked her to become a child again. I playfully shared with her - as we spoke on the phone - how I was actually walking about my home office in my underwear (sad but true). We laughed, we joked, we lighted up and stopped trying to get it just right.
Finally, just as the sweetest cream floats to the top of the churn, the perfect words emerged to describe the true essence of this beautiful soul.
The truth of her being was child-like joy, passionate exploration and inspirational wisdom. This is the being the Creator had created when (s)he created her. This is the reality and purpose that was to shape the rest of her life, should she choose.
In the months that followed, she continued doing as much as ever. The difference though, was her doing was no longer shaped by survival. It was now shaped by truth. It was shaped by purpose. It was shaped by the true essence of who she'd discovered herself to be.
With the inner shift complete, the shift in her outer reality began shortly thereafter. She began taking more time for herself to play and relax. She aggressively cleared away many of the energy drains she lived with for so long. Her health gradually improved. Her relationships took on a new level of richness and fulfillment.
She began to sense the universe was requesting a greater expression of her passion and talent. I followed her intuition and suggested that, in fact, the world was patiently waiting for her to spread her wings as far as she dare spread them.
Together, we formulated a plan to transition from her current career into a career where she could spread her wings wider than she had spread them before. We talked of the books she would write, music she'd record and the website I am building for her.
We discussed marketing strategy, taglines and services she would offer. We spoke of all the things she's currently focusing her energy upon as you read these words.
I could go on, but it's enough to say it was an incredible year for both of us. I learned as much from her, if not more, than she did from me.
Most importantly, I learned my clients' success is more dependent on the responsibility THEY assume for their life than the responsibility I assume for their life. Its really the only way coaching works.
Michael D. Pollock is an Executive Success Coach. He works with business leaders, managers, executives and entrepreneurs to help them make a profound impact on the world while achieving a new level of success and fulfillment in their own lives. To learn how he can help you and/or your organization, visit his website at: http://www.michaeldpollock.com.
