A lot Can Happen in a Year

We worked together for about a year via telephone. It
was a bit sad, but we both knew our work together was
complete - for now.

As I reflected on all the work she'd done and subsequent
progress she'd made over the past year, it made me realize
that real change in our lives usually doesn't happen
quickly (unless you consider a year to be "quick").

She came into my life wanting to create more balance in her
life, "get out of ruts," become more adventurous and create
a brighter financial picture.

We began meeting each week. Initially, she was a classic
multi-tasking, work-all-day, priority-list-checking, baby
boomer who - at the end of a long, productive day - found
herself saying simply:

"So what. I got everything done on my list, but
so what. Is this it?"

Yes, she got a lot done. And like many of us, there was
a deeper, wiser part of her who knew life is not *just*
about doing.

It's also about be-ing.

I wondered what she was be-ing . . .

as she went about her days . . .

do-ing . . .

do-ing . . .

do-ing . . .

and still more do-ing.

As our work progressed, we discovered what WAS behind all
her doing. We found out what she was BE-ING behind all her
doing.

Here's what it was.

In a word.

Survival.

Like so many of us, as a young child she learned a belief
that said "I'm not good enough." And to be "good enough,"
to get by in life, to SURVIVE, she decided she had to DO
all the stuff she was doing. I say she "decided," but the
reality is she wasn't even aware she'd made that decision.

Her life was driven by shoulds.

Her life was driven by survival.

I remember a comment she made to me once. She said:

"Anyway, some how I ended up with extremely high
standards for myself that I don't seem to live up
to."

As you read these words, it may seem as though she was
somewhat dysfunctional. In fact, she wasn't. At all.

She was quite successful. She was (and is) a wonderful
mother, a successful small business owner, very well read,
self-aware, incredibly bright and pleasant.

Her life was full - too full.

Yet her heart was empty - yearning for more of the richness
of life. Yearning to express the fullness and depth of who
she really was.

Who she really was (is) . . .

Having gotten to the bottom of her survival-based patterns,
we turned our attention to just that - the truth of who she
really was.

We began this part of our work around the 5th week of our
journey together. To do this, we started by looking at
times in her life when she felt most alive and most in love
with life. We looked at what she was doing during those
times.

More importantly, we looked at what she was being. We
peeled back the layers of doing, in search of just the
right words to capture the passion, joy and lust for life,
which had become shrouded by years being not good enough.

I remember the initial strain we both felt as we worked to
come up with just the right words, just the right statement
to capture the depths of her soul in full bloom.

We were trying to capture it. That was our problem. That
was the reason for our strain. Trying to capture your
essence is a bit like trying to attain enlightenment.

The Zen master teaches the moment you reach for
enlightenment is the very moment it slips away from you.
In the words of Zen-master-like, movie character Bagger
Vance, "you've got to let it find you."

I requested we take a more playful approach to out task. I
asked her to become a child again. I playfully shared with
her - as we spoke on the phone - how I was actually walking
about my home office in my underwear (sad but true). We
laughed, we joked, we lighted up and stopped trying to get
it just right.

Finally, just as the sweetest cream floats to the top of
the churn, the perfect words emerged to describe the true
essence of this beautiful soul.

The truth of her being was child-like joy, passionate
exploration and inspirational wisdom. This is the being the
Creator had created when (s)he created her. This is the
reality and purpose that was to shape the rest of her
life, should she choose.

In the months that followed, she continued doing as much as
ever. The difference though, was her doing was no longer
shaped by survival. It was now shaped by truth. It was
shaped by purpose. It was shaped by the true essence of
who she'd discovered herself to be.

With the inner shift complete, the shift in her outer
reality began shortly thereafter. She began taking more
time for herself to play and relax. She aggressively cleared
away many of the energy drains she lived with for so long.
Her health gradually improved. Her relationships took on a
new level of richness and fulfillment.

She began to sense the universe was requesting a greater
expression of her passion and talent. I followed her
intuition and suggested that, in fact, the world was
patiently waiting for her to spread her wings as far as
she dare spread them.

Together, we formulated a plan to transition from her
current career into a career where she could spread her
wings wider than she had spread them before. We talked of
the books she would write, music she'd record and the
website I am building for her.

We discussed marketing strategy, taglines and services she
would offer. We spoke of all the things she's currently
focusing her energy upon as you read these words.

I could go on, but it's enough to say it was an incredible
year for both of us. I learned as much from her, if not
more, than she did from me.

Most importantly, I learned my clients' success is more
dependent on the responsibility THEY assume for their
life than the responsibility I assume for their life. Its
really the only way coaching works.

Said another way . . .

It's Your Life! Make it Great.