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Are you letting the expectations get under your skin

Adolescence can be a trying period when you have myriad expectations thrust on you. Your parents expect a lot from you, your teachers have high expectations and your friends and siblings too expect the ...

Adolescence can be a trying period when you have myriad expectations thrust on you. Your parents expect a lot from you, your teachers have high expectations and your friends and siblings too expect the world from you. Suddenly you are forced to take decisions as uncomfortable questions are posed to you: "So what are you planning to do with your life?" or "Why don't you be a bit more social?" or "Why don't you study harder?" and even "You'll soon be married."

Do you want to shout from the rooftops and tell the whole world to leave you alone? Are you letting the expectations get under your skin and irritate and frustrate you? Or are you just bottling up all your emotions and hiding in that cocoon? There's no need to let the expectations get to you.

Here's how:

1.Define the sources

The first thing that you need to do is define the different sources of expectations. This means understanding who all are exerting pressure on you. You might be feeling a bit confused if there are too many people involved. Your mother has some plans for you and your father could have some other. You, on the other hand, want to pursue a career in fashion designing whereas all your friends are preparing for medical. But your elder sister might think that an MBA is the right thing to do. So what do you do?

2.Understand their views

Once you have identified the different people you need to understand their points of view. Your mother might repeatedly be telling you to be more selective of your friends, when what is really scaring her is the guy you brought home last Wednesday. In such a case it would really help if you are able to understand her fear and explain that he is just a friend.

3.Believe in yourself
It is very important that you believe in yourself. Don't surrender yourself to the don'ts of your life.
  • I don't have enough savings
  • I don't think I can do it
  • I don't think mom will like it
  • I don't think it will work out
  • don't think he is interested in me

The challenge before you is to combat these don'ts and make them doable. Remember if you think you can, you will but if you think you can't then you will never be able to. You are at that stage where emotions will be very dominant in your decisions. Learn to rise over them and think rationally.

4.Stick to your decisions

Remember you can face any pressure from anyone if you have the guts to stick to your decisions. People might tell you that it would be better if you simply did your graduation and then got married, but the final decision is yours. If you decide that you are going to be something and someone then nothing can stop you. But if you want to get married and settle down then do just that. Dare to stand for yourself and dare to be different!

5.Learn to be diplomatic and humble

Inculcate the habits of diplomacy and humility as they are very essential if you want to deal with problems in a peaceful manner. Adolescents tend to be short-tempered and blunt and often think they are grown up enough to make their own decisions. But you should also keep in mind what your parents are saying. Be a little approachable, a bit more soft-spoken and understanding and you sure can get all that you want.

6.Strike a balance

It is very important for you to strike a balance between your studies and other activities. Many a times your parent's expectations are an extension of what they wanted to do in their youth but could not due to various reasons. Is your mother always after your life to study, study and study? May be she did not have an opportunity to pick up a career and doesn't want you to make the same mistake. So how about rearranging your life in such a way that you strike a balance between what you like to do and what your parents want you to do?

7. Learn to say NO

You might sometimes do things not because you want to but because you get pushed into doing them. Do you regret bunking college just because your friends felt like it, lying about that extra class at home because your boyfriend wanted to go for a movie, or dressing the way your friends are so that you don't appear too modest even if the short skirt makes you feel very uncomfortable? Don't get forced into doing anything that you will regret. Have conviction in your beliefsPsychology Articles, make rules for yourself and then practice them! And next time you need to say NO say it loud and clear.

8.Control your emotions

Are you always at the receiving end and hear comments like:
-Why do you have to cry at the smallest pretext?
-Can't you show a bit of concern?
-Do you have to get so hyper?
-Can't you at least smile in front of the guests?
-Don't be so harsh

Many times you will be picked on for a lack of or an excess of your emotions. Don't worry too much about them. The hormonal changes in your body are partly responsible for this. Try to strike a rapport with your environment and give yourself some time and space. You will soon notice that you are so much more in command of yourself and thus much happier

Remember that people expect things from you because they know that you can do it. Doesn't that make you feel happy? After reading these tips you will find it easier to deal with the expectations and pressures that are put on you. So are you ready to face the world as a new you?

Article Tags: Don't Think

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Eric Dexter freelance writer residing in IL with her husband & daughter.

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