One way I measure ... ability to change is whether she asks herself “What’s the lesson here?” at the end of an ... When you believe that ... lead to lessons, you look for insights
One way I measure someone’s ability to change is whether she asks herself “What’s the lesson here?” at the end of an experience. When you believe that situations lead to lessons, you look for insights. This question insures you are open to new information and change.
How have you tried to change in the past? Have you actually changed habits? What do you know now about change?
GROUNDWORK FOR CHANGE
The first key in creating groundwork is imaging yourself AFTER the change has been accomplished. If you cannot see yourself as a stronger, more fit person, you will never be able to begin and continue the exercise to get yourself there. If you cannot see yourself as a non-smoker, it will not happen. So begin to visualize the new you in detail. See the change in your imagination. (This will also bring up your awareness of the gains and losses in this change and give you time to grieve the losses.)
Would a visual clue remind you of the commitment? How about using an old picture of a slimmer you? How about creating a symbol of what you can do when you no longer smoke—hiking or playing with young people?
Your perspective on the change can also be a roadblock. Some of my clients are not comfortable doing things for themselves. They sacrifice to care for another but not for themselves. Eating right or making time for refreshing activity are gifts to you, and not selfish at all. How can you make time for YOU? A change in perspective is needed.
Second, a good plan is essential as well as a support system of people to call if you fall off the wagon. You will want to reward yourself, too. A client who stopped smoking decided to buy a magazine, paint her nails, or go out for coffee. Small things, for sure, but a celebration of her progress.
For years, I knew I wanted to meditate daily. I would do a session on couple of mornings and then fall out of the habit. Then I took a course where I made a promise to mediate daily. The external support and accountability was there. I began meditating have been doing it regularly for months.
Who could support you? Friends or family members who encourage you are great. You may also want to consider a coach. A life coach is a neutral person who can provide support and accountability and be a catalyst for the change you want.
WHAT DO YOU VALUE?
A place to look for motivation to change is your individual values. What do you hold as important in your life? (Freedom, Integrity, Play time, Lifelong Learning?) How can that value be lived more fully if you make a change? I had a client who decided to live her discipline value more fully by committing to exercise and healthy eating. These changes are a part of a bigger issue for her now.
Another client was seeking motivation for regular exercise. She decided her husband’s photo when he was a baby would keep her focused on getting into shape to begin a family.
I tried for years to be more disciplined about eating sweets. It would work for a while, and then I’d fall back into old habits. Then, I received a cholesterol reading above 200. This did not match my view of myself as healthy. I immediately stopped eating sweets and many white carbohydrates (potatoes, white bread, pasta, and rice). The change was immediate because the test facts did not fit my view of me.
WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS
Your mind is another place to look when you want to make changes. What are you telling yourself about the area of concern? Are you eating incessantly (or smoking or working) and then feeling guilty about your choices? Are the things you say to yourself in your head meaner than you'd say to any other living being?
Many people believe that our thoughts produce our world. So be watchful of your thoughts. Be as gentle with yourself as you would with a small child or a favorite pet. You deserve the same love you give others, even when your habits don’t live up to your own ideal. You can start to make a change by altering your thoughts. This is the power of affirmations. Begin thinking differently and the groundwork is laid to act differently.
A David Schumacher says, “So, if there are things in your life with which you are unhappy, the solution, very simply and bluntly stated, is to change your thoughts. You are not a puppet on a string; you have freedom of choice and free will, so recognize this and use it to your advantage, not to your disadvantage. Mind becomes matter; it manifests itself as things in your life and as conditions in your body…”
SUMMARY
1. Notice if you are looking for life lessons in your experiences. Are you open?
2. Visualize yourself after the change. Use an image as a daily reminder of the new you.
3. Make a plan and gather a support system.
4. Examine your perspective on the change.
5. Connect the change to a higher value.
6. Be aware of your thoughts and discouraging self-talk. Choose positive affirmations.
7. Move ahead despite any fears of failure (or success). Taking action when fear is present is a great confidence booster.
Keys to the Kingdom, Five Fundamentals of Truth, “Mind Power” by David L. Schumacher.
Copyright 2004.
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