Getting Out of a Abusive Relationship

You weren’t able to read the warning signs in time, or despite knowing that they were there you still couldn’t get of the dangerous relationship you are in. I know what that’s like. With me, the man in question and I were never dating, but even so he was the most abusive relationship I have ever experienced in my life. He would try to turn me against my friends, he pushed the guy I actually liked away, he lied to me more than he told the truth, he would call me all the time and get verbally abusive if I didn’t answer him back right away, he would freak out when I was spending time with another man, he would force me to do certain “things”, he would threaten me, he said he would follow me all over the world, and all of this from a man I wasn’t even in a relationship with.

Having him in my life in anyway made me physically sick, I didn’t sleep well, I was always scared and defensive, I was miserable and I knew he was the reason. Yet despite that it took me a long time to flat out tell him I didn’t want him in my life, it took me awhile to physically fight him back and to end it. And even after all of that and many years later he is still trying to track me down and still wants a part of my life. The thing is even though he made me miserable I still couldn’t get myself out of the “relationship”.  I knew how, I knew what had to be done. I could have told my mom, talked to the school, talked to the police, done any number of things and I didn’t. I was furious with myself for not doing anything and yet I still couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t doing anything. To be honest even know I’m not really sure why I didn’t get out of the relationship but it will remain the biggest regret of my entire life.

I remember when I was younger I would watch movies that showed girls in abusive relationships and they wouldn’t get out of them either. I would watch them thinking  “why don’t they get out, it would be so easy” and “that would never happen to me” and then it did. Now I finally understand what those other girls went through, so if your reading this in the middle of a abusive relationship than I know exactly what you’re going through. I feel your pain, I feel your confusion and I wish I could say the perfect thing to make it all better but I don’t know what that is.

All I can do is give you some pieces of advice that I hope will help you get out in time. Whatever age you are, you parents will always help you out. If you are in a abusive relationship the first thing you need to do is tell them. I know it’s harder than it sounds and you have probably thought about doing it multiple times but you have to do it. Even if you don’t outright say it, you can hint around it and your parents should get the hint. You can say something like “everything is going fine but I’m not in the best relationship at the moment”. You could even ask if you could come home for a few days and perhaps over the course of those days you would get the courage to tell them.

Part of the problem could be that you actually love the man who is abusing you. With me I was in love with his best friend, so part of me was afraid that if I kicked one out of my life I would lose both. But a man that treats you that way doesn’t love you, no matter how many times he says it. A man who loves you would never do that to you and deep down you know that. You have to force that love out of your heart, keep reminding yourself that he doesn’t really love you and you deserve better in your life. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, what you do no one deserves that. Every woman can do better than that and you need to believe that.

This next part is certainly easier said than done but to me it was essential. You can’t show him your fear, when he starts yelling and cursing and possibly throwing things around the room during one of his “PMS Moments” you can’t start breaking down and crying.  Then he knows that he owns you, that he controls you and that you’re never going to leave. As hard as it is you have to stay strong, you have to show him that he doesn’t control you, that you’re not afraid, even if it isn’t true. Once he thinks that you aren’t afraid he starts to lose his power and that gives you the chance you need to leave.

There may be times when it gets physical and this is where I can’t really offer universal advice. There are some women who are fighters and it would be better for them to fight the men off but if you aren’t a fighter don’t try it. I hate to say just take because I don’t believe in that but if it’s between you taking it or fighting back and him possibly killing you than I would have to go with just take it.

There is simply too much to cover in one article but hopefully this has given you some advice for the moment. I’m going to start a website just for this that will hopefully be a great source of help and if you really need help let me know in a comment and I will talk with you privately.