Have You Emotionally Retired? And What To do About It!
Have you emotionally retired from your business, your personal life or both? Is this because you didn't learn how to emotionally inspire yourself in the beginning of your working life way back when? With the cost of retirement looming and compounding by the minute, can you, your business or family afford for you to emotionally retire?
Have you emotionally retired from your business, your personal life or both?
Is this because you didn't learn how to emotionally inspire yourself in the beginning of your working life way back when?
Note - retire / inspire.
If you haven't already emotionally retired, when will emotional retirement happen to you?
When you are 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65 or - or again, has it happened, or is it happening right now?
With the cost of retirement looming and compounding by the minute, can you, your business or family afford for you to emotionally retire?
So what is emotional retirement?
We've given emotional retirement many different labels in the past. Burn out, funk, slump, unmotivated - and within the word unmotivated lays the crux of the problem.
Motivation just doesn't work. Motivation is unsustainable. Motivation only lasts for a short period of time.
I should know. I owned an Anthony Robbins Franchise from 1990 - 1995 which was #1 in North America from 1991 - 1992 for the sale of the video based Unlimited Power Weekend Seminar. The Unlimited Power Weekend Seminar was all about motivation. I honestly stood back at times and said, "how come this stuff doesn't work?"
From 1993 to date I have extensively studied Coaching, Counseling, Emotional Release Work, Family Systems Theory and Inner Child Work to deepen my understanding to gain the answers and develop a system to create a Scientific Approach to sustainable motivation.
And guess what, motivation cannot be sustained.
Here is why.
Let's look at the source of the word motivation in the dictionary.
"Motive" the sense of need, fear, etc. - Webster's Dictionary.
Why on earth would you want to be motivated by a need or fear?
For if you take action based upon the avoidance of a need or a fear you may very well get the results and in the end, you will still be haunted by the need and the fear. And as soon as you meet the short term need or fear, poof, your motivation went away until the next time you are in need or fear. Not a happy existence.
A need cannot be met by something outside of the self and examples are: by a person, place, possession, position etc. A simple example is how many times have you heard a person say, "I'll be happy when I make the million dollar level"
One of the most common unmet needs is "recognition".
If you have an unmet need, the unmet need is the foundation for a series of limiting beliefs and emotions.
The unmet need of recognition is what leads to your emotional retirement.
Here is why.
The unmet need of recognition is something that was left over from your childhood development.
It is a dysfunctional source of motivation for you to give and give and give your time and energy to people with the belief that they will recognize you for the great work that you are doing to complete the piece of childhood development. The only challenge is again, an unmet need cannot be met by a person, place, possession, position, etc.
At the same time, as you struggle to get your unmet need of recognition met you carry limiting beliefs of "It doesn't matter what I do, people don't appreciate it, they just seem to take and take and take."
There is enough quantum physics theory around today that I don't have to go into the scientific explanation for you to agree with me that;
Thoughts are real forces (John Kehoe - Mind Power) You attract what you think about You are what you believe
The unmet need coupled with the limiting beliefs leaves you with an array of emotions that include; sadness, anger, disappointment, rejection etc.
So at the end of the day, you say to yourself; "Why bother, what is the use?". "It doesn't matter what I do, people don't appreciate it, and they just seem to take and take and take." And you give up.
Worse yet, you are feeling bitter and angry because you gave and gave and gave your time and energy to people without getting your need met.
A fear is based on a painful emotion caused by impending danger or evil or state of alarm which again is based upon something outside of the self. A simple example is that the person's fear in the above example was motivated by the limiting belief that "there isn't enough money", and I suggest that even though they make the million dollar level, there will always be;
* another person with more money that they can compare themselves to and remind them that they don't have enough and that they are not safe
* another place to go to that costs more money than they have to remind them that they don't have enough and that they are not safe
* another possession that costs more money than they have to remind them that they don't have enough and that they are not safe
* another position that someone else has that reminds them that they are no good enough and that they are not safe
Another common unmet need is "safety".
If you apply the same theories from the above on the need of recognition that I offered around the relationship of an unmet need to limiting beliefs to emotions then the following would apply;
* Unmet need = safety
* Limiting belief = clients, business, money etc. are hard to get
* Emotions = anxiety, fear, worry etc.
So with this deadly combination brewing beneath the surface you approach your clients and business appearing to be very needy and self absorbed struggling to get your needs met from your clients and business and you just can't seem to close a sale.
And worse yet, you can't even see it. But your clients and colleagues do. I am sure that you have heard the expression, "they are so far behind that they think that they are first!"
Instead of having a consciousness to add value to your client and business your subconscious and conscious minds are preoccupied with managing your own needs, limiting beliefs and emotions and you simply do not have the space to give your client and business the 101% attention that they need.
So at the end of the day, you say to yourself "why bother, what is the use?" "Maybe I should have listened to my mother and gotten a steady job with a steady pay check?". "Maybe I just wasn't cut out to be someone in business or on commission"
So on a side note, the next time you hear "Motivational Speaker", RUN!
In summary, trying to get motivated to get out of Emotional Retirement will continue the struggle of trying to become "inspired" by trying to get needs met and fears eliminated by something outside of the self.
The key word is here is "inspired" and trying to get "inspired" by something outside of the self is impossible.
"Inspire - imparting an influence on the mind and the soul?" - Webste's Dictionary.
So how do you systematically create sustainable inspiration from the inside out?
Let me offer this very simple and very effective example.
In advance of every day;
* Define your Values.
* Define the Feelings that you want to experience as a result of expressing your Values.
* Define the Positive Beliefs that you want to experience as a result of expressing your Values and Feelings.
The above is not a silver bullet or quick fix. There isn't one. I believe it was Jim Rohn that said "success is a few simple disciplines practiced every single day".
You have heard the old saying that "it takes 21 days to break a bad habit".
I observe my Value of _______ is being met and therefore I feel ______ resulting in the Positive Belief that _________________________________.
The outcome is for you to create "More Profit & More Time".
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Simon Reilly is an expert business coach, speaker, author and values and behavior analyst with 20 years of experience in coaching, consulting, facilitating and training. For over 15 years, he has worked exclusively with financial advisors and their teams to achieve sustainable business results. http://www.leadingadvisor.com